To Feel Your Love

I gave a few hints about how I was beginning to feel when it came to my love for a very gorgeous and wonderful man who I had been orbiting around for almost two years …before “Jack” waltzed back into my life.

caramel orbit

I believe this is is supposed to be Pluto (an artist’s impression of). Apparently Pluto is 3,670,050,000 miles away from the center of our solar system – the sun. It is mighty cold out there. Temperatures guesstimated to reach -240 degrees celsius. No amount of thermal underwear is going to make life on Pluto much fun.

so far.pngI was starting to feel like Pluto. He was at the center of my thoughts, plans, conversations, decisions, the posts on my CRUSHED CARAMEL blog site, he was at the center of my life. I was revolving around him, orbiting around him. But the distance was crippling. And I don’t just mean geographically.

I wanted to be closer to the center of his life. There were others who were rightly closer to him. Family and long-time friends, who he has been close to for years. I didn’t want to compete with anyone else for his attention. But feeling as if I was right out on the outer-rim of his life, at a colossal distance away, hardly even recognised as a planet, with a wonky orbit! That’s why I felt like Pluto.

Vector illustration of woman cooking with recipe book.

The time I spent with him in the summer – it was pure bliss. There I was, right at the center of his life. I was in his bed every night. I was cooking, cleaning, gardening, laundering and ironing, helping with DIY projects. I bought window cleaning equipment so I could wash all of the windows in the property inside and out (after years of training from my Dad, I knew how to make those windows sparkle!) and I went shopping for things that would be useful to him, as well as more ingredients for dishes I wanted to make.

Basically – I WAS LIVING THE DREAM! Yes, I am not ashamed to admit it – I loved being the perfect housewife. I was happy from head to toe. I could not stop smiling. Except right near the end of my time with him. The tears started to trickle because I realized how deeply happy I was, and that it was soon going to be over. I didn’t want to leave him…and go back to feeling like Pluto. I wanted to be chained to the sink! I wanted to be a slave, the perfect housekeeper, whose time was occupied with anything and everything to make him happy. It was making me happy to spend my summer like that.

tryI tried to make sure that whether I was right beside him, or 10,100 miles away, he was never in doubt of my love for him. And I still want him to know, if ever ever ever he needed anything, I would find a way! I can’t really bake cakes for him anymore. But whether I am 10,100 or 3,670,050,000 miles away, I will do everything in my power to make him feel my love.

We are still in touch regularly. He knows all about “Jack”, he has done from the start. He has been very kind and supportive about everything. I feel as if I have a wonderful friend out there, someone I never want to be without. I am content with my place, my Pluto-like orbit, for it is so much better than not being a part of his life at all. I just wish it were possible for me to feel his love from way out here.



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