You know…the thing about Jack and me…it’s not been some incredible romance. (Although he can be romantic it turns out.) It’s been so normal. You might even say boring – although, nothing is ever boring with Jack.
What I mean is, he and I have been mostly cocooned. Outside we have been in the car, or walking in the woods, twice on the beach. We have been to a few cafes, and a couple of pubs – but way way out of London.
Then the time inside, we have lolloped a lot. We have been in cottages, lodges, a couple of hotel rooms, and at my flat. I can’t go to his because that would give the game up! We have sat on the sofa entangling our limbs and chatting. We have watched a couple of movies. We have played monopoly twice, we have played cards a few times. We have listened to music and looked at photographs. We have eaten pretty basic meals – pasta, rice, bread and cheese (for him, hummus for me – I am not good with dairy), and we have drank coffee, tea and wine.
Not especially exciting. Except, it has been so important. All he needed to do was to make things clear to me, and not be so hard to read, so hard to understand. I don’t know whether it’s him always being aware of his public persona, but I couldn’t make any sense of him before. He was so contradictory.
Spending time together seems to have been vital. Once we start spending time with other people, it will be different. I am going to have to be secure when I see him put on his public face, and his celebrity persona. I am going to have to remember, that no matter what might irk me (and I remember what is used to be like) when we go home, it is Jack. I am in love with the man, not the public image. I am in love with the man.
I love people! Very much. But I am not going to let anyone ruin this for us. I love him ok. And I know that will be tested when family, friends and then strangers find out about Jack dating me. But…I keep on remembering what it has been like to live four years estranged from the man I knew had a bigger impact on me than anyone else I have met. I do not want to lose him again.