Caught In A Web

Stuck. Every time I try to wriggle out, I become more entangled. Escape seems impossible. Waiting for the Webmaster to come and devour me. Will somebody rescue me please? For I do not see how I am going to get myself out of this sticky tangle.

Cobwebs, Water Drops, Refraction, Green, Bokeh, Texture

I find policies and rules interesting. I don’t mean the big ones that everyone agrees on. I mean the mediocre policies and rules that seem strange when you are new to them…but then you discover the reason and find them easier to respect and cooperate with them.

checkinsFor example, I had to work at a location where your belongings are searched. Now, I have been at some high security premises where that made sense. But for a smaller shop which is open to members of the public wandering in and out all day long – I thought it was strange that staff are asked to submit to such vigorous security checks.

But then I was told of the history with staff stealing stock, and it made more sense. It’s sad, but there is a reason. The behaviour of others has made it necessary to search all staff.

Work Desk, Smart Phone, Laptop, PhoneWell…someone has called me out for being a bit extreme in some of the policies I have set for my life. It is my choice to abstain from having a smartphone. I have my reasons. But the biggest reason is my negative experience from the past, when I saw a very unkind side to social media. I am perfectly happy without a smartphone. But this friend is pressuring me and ceaselessly trying to persuade me to get one. She has stated she is going to buy one for Christmas. I have said I do not want one I will not use one. She keeps saying I shouldn’t make myself suffer because of one bad experience. She says I am missing out. I am so tired of the conversations we have about this issue.

no.pngThen something else came up. She asked me if I wanted to do something. I replied, “no, because….” That was my mistake. I should have just said “no”. As soon as I gave my reason, my friend started to argue and told me I was extreme.

The thing is…the decisions I have made based on past experiences – they have worked wonderfully well. Maybe there is a little “once bitten, twice shy”. But in rejecting things because I have had a very bad experience with them, I don’t feel I am missing out. There is so much other wonderful out there. I have no shortage of things to do.

I am not sure why my friend keeps telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing. None of my other friends or family do that. I am a grown woman. So far, I have a pretty good run. I am proud of my decisions, and the reasons behind them.

too much1I am finding my friend is taking issue with me over so many decisions, trying to make me do things her way. I feel as if I am become entangled with sticky discussions. She keeps analysing what I say and labelling my reactions as extreme. It is tiring. I just want to be allowed to make my decisions and be happy with them.

I have a habit of agreeing with what she is saying (I am not argumentative), with the result that my friend thinks I am agreeing to change my decision. I was nodding to all the wonderful things my friend said about smartphones. But that does not mean I will change my mind. Same with the other issue. It’s something I feel is the right decision to me. I am airing on the side of caution. But I prefer it that way.

no moreAnyway…I am only writing this because my friend kind of “cornered” me last week when I was really sick and wanted me to agree to something I did not want to do. (It’s a particular type of entertainment that I do not find remotely entertaining.) And I was so tired, I started crying.

But she rang me yesterday..she still has not dropped the issue. She said she has bought me a ticket because she donesn’t want me to miss out. I said I do not want to go and I hope someone else will buy the ticket from them because I have not changed my mind. My friend called me ungrateful. Shrug! I am finding myself becoming increasingly overwhelmed by this. I think at some stage, when I have more energy, I am going to have to kindly tell my friend that I need to be allowed to make my own decisions and that they are respected. This pressure is becoming unbearable.

web.pngMy friend…she is a lovely person. But she is strong willed, and she likes to tell people what to do. I am mild tempered, and in general very easy going. She has lots of particulars. She will decide where we eat, what temperature it is, what music we listen to. I concur, because I don’t mind. But when I have made a decision for a reason, I usually stick to it. I am not easily swayed. That’s where my friend is getting annoyed with me. Oh well!

 

19 thoughts on “Caught In A Web

  1. I have dealt with people like that. I am old enough to know what I do not want to eat or drink or do, but some people keep pushing their likes regardless of what I say. I have long since learned to ignore their carrying on. I don’t tell them how to live their lives, and they have no right telling me how to live mine.

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    1. It’s funny how some proactively give out advice to all and sundry.
      I happen to have been vegetarian since I was six, but it’s always just been my personal decision, one that never changed. I never mentioned promoted vegetarianism to anyone else. Well, my friend became vegetarian about a year ago, I think she started in January as a new Year’s Resolution and she has kept going. She has been guilt tripping all our friends about eating meat and she’s causing some of friends to get ticked off.

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  2. You are totally right to stick to your decisions. If your friend is truly a friend she should respect that and love you even if you don’t agree with her on everything. Differences are something to be valued. The world would be a very boring place if we all thought and felt exactly the same way about everything.

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  3. Mel, if that isn’t bullying behavior I don’t know what is. I am imagining you with a large stop sign on a stick. When she starts, pull out the stop sign. There is also the “talk to the hand” you could use on her. She needs to back off!

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  4. I had a bossy friend like that once, who also had other lovely traits—for example, she would create thoughtful music CDs for people just because. She was determined however that I should go on hikes despite my having a bad back. I told her I really could not. Finally, she put together 3 “easy” hikes and insisted I participate. I did the first one and though it was fun, my back hurt a lot after. I told her I wasn’t doing the next ones. She got angry, said I was “mean” because she had created these for me, and never spoke to me again.

    Some friendships just aren’t worth it. 😢

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    1. Ay karumba!

      Perhaps your friend and mine are twins parted at birth?
      I have another friend who thinks everything is mind over matter. She really wanted me to start running with her. I told her all about the problems I have had since my head injuries. But she was determined that I would be fine if I was positive. We tried twice, both times I blacked out and after the second time, when I hit my head hard when I blacked out…she seemed to think it best for me not to be her running partner.

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  5. Is there maybe a trend here? She wants you to have a smartphone because you’re missing out? She wants you to go to this event so that you don’t miss out? It doesn’t sound to me like you’re missing out! It sounds like more of an assumption that she’d be missing out, so you must be too. I mean, one of the first things we should learn is the different strokes rule, it surprises me that she doesn’t respect that. I always like to ask why people feel that their outlook on life is superior to our own? It’s patronising.
    The thing I particularly didn’t like was this “ungrateful” business because that’s basically blackmail.
    If she wants to give you a phone for Christmas, tell her to make sure she includes the receipt!
    Searching bags, btw, sounds illegal to me.

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    1. I am sure she means well…but I am going to have to talk with her, when I am over this horrid cough.
      I don’t really mind the bag searches, it seemed odd at first…and because I have a Mary Poppins bag, it was very funny to see the face of the person checking my bag!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I feel for you. It sounds like it’s time to be open with her and tell her it’s really disrespectful to treat you like that. Saying no is hard to friends and family isn’t it!

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