I was so happy when I was out in Australia in the summer with wonderful Goldfinch. When I first met him…I knew, I just knew he wanted to be free. Nothing has changed. I would have loved to be his permanently. But he never expressed that he wanted that. I think he wanted to keep his freedom and not become “yoked” to someone.
I had to love him. Not what I wanted him to be. I did. And I do. I love him very much. I hope I have made sure he feels free. I tried to be what he seemed to want me to be. I hope he understands that if he ever needed me, I would try even harder. Sometimes freedom becomes less important. Love and loyalty become more important.
But you can’t force anyone to be what you want them to be. It’s up to an individual to choose whether they want to try to be what they may not naturally be inclined to be. It’s up to an individual to decide to love or not to love. My decision was and still is to love. I wanted to be the loving, loyal, life-long lover and partner. I wasn’t interested in “freedom” in the shape of a no commitment relationship.
My feelings are what they are. Jack knows how I feel about Goldfinch. He also knows that if Goldfinch had wanted it, I would have devoted myself to him. Jack seems relieved that Goldfinch did not want that.