Been Waiting For A Lifetime For You

ready.jpgI had so much love from Jack while we were away. I needed that. I had missed him so much. In the end it was only five days I went without seeing him, but that was too long.

I went for over four years with no him…and now I can’t cope with five days! I am just so incredibly aware of what he is doing to me. Every scar from the past is healing over. It’s as if carefully, delicately he is trying to understand all the damage that was caused when we lived together and finding ways to soothe those painful memories.

Jack told me that in the past, he didn’t take any responsibility for how I felt. Initially he thought I liked him, in fact he thought that for a long time. But he said when I was hanging around with male friends, he thought I was being manipulative (as if I have that in me!) and was trying to make him jealous. He didn’t know me well enough back then. He’s leaving nothing to chance now. Everyday he sends some kind of romantic message. When I am with him, he tells me how he feels about me. It’s amazing to hear him say those words.

annie sad1.jpgHe’s changing my view of him and everything that happened. I could never make sense of it on my own. It all overwhelmed me. I felt helpless, powerless to fight the sheer volume of nastiness and slander that was directed my way. I felt so rejected. I especially felt as if Jack had abandoned me. I was lost. Completely lost…that led to feelings of despair.

No more. Jack is undoing the past. In his eyes I feel safe. In his arms I feel alive. Tears and fears forgotten. He is freeing me. I didn’t know how much I needed him to recover. It turns out that he is the someone who fits in with everything I have been working for since I was sixteen. My once in a lifetime life partner. It almost went so terribly wrong…and now it’s going right.

I have just seen the invitation from Beckie, the creator of Beckie’s Mental Mess, to participate in the “WORKING ON US” theme for this week, which happens to be “Rejection And Overcoming Rejection”. As soon as I saw it a little cascade of emotions poured into my heart. I am thinking, I may try to write a post in response to this theme. There we go…I have pledged a post now. That means I am much more likely to tackle it!

November 6, 2019 “Working on Us” Week #22 Mental Health Blogging Community-Mental Health Series, Topic: Rejection and Overcoming Rejection

11 thoughts on “Been Waiting For A Lifetime For You

  1. I love this post. Your story is so beautiful now that all the hurts from the past are being healed. I love that Jack makes you feel safe and free and alive. I might be slightly jealous! 😂

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    1. Thank you! You are so sweet.
      It’s been a very bumpy road for Jack and me…but it seems we have finally got there in the end.
      Hoping it won’t be quite as bumpy in the future, but I already have an idea of what might be ahead.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello, Tanya… (Please forgive me, I’m having one of those weeks)… Just to clarify, you are going to write a post for “Working on Us”, or am I posting this post? (Again, please forgive me, my mind is mush at the current moment).
    When I read this, I’m so pleased to see that you have found someone that really cares deeply for you and that you seem so content. I’ll be honest with you… I’m envious.
    I went through my own horrible experience of rejection, which I, in turn, am going to write about in my own separate post this week.

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    1. Hi Beckie,

      Melody here 😀

      I had this post all scheduled to be published today. It just touches on the feelings of rejection I had. But when I saw your theme for this week, I realized this was a subject I have a lot to write about.
      So I am going to start writing a post later tonight. I have just finished work and I have a visitor ( 🙂 ) coming soon. Just enough time to make something yummy for him.

      It might take me a couple of days to work on it (I am working Thursday and Friday until 8pm so I will be working on it little by little I imagine.

      So another post…purely on the theme of rejection is on the way. In fact it might be more about rejection than overcoming rejection! But it will be honest which I think is what it’s all about.

      I love the series you run Beckie. I read the posts other bloggers write, but I have not felt I had much to write on many of the subjects. This one really resonates though.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OMG! Melody, I am so sorry. I told you… My mind is scattered really bad today. I do apologize for screwing up who I was addressing.
        Take your time with writing your post. I know that it will be hard to write about… As mine will be too.
        I thank you so very much for your kind comment on the series. I really appreciate it.
        I look forwrd to your post, but please take your time. Again, I understand how difficult it is to write about something that is emotionally triggering.

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        1. Don’t you worry… 🙂
          I had a doll from the age of four (I think I only said goodbye to her when I left home) and she was called Tanya. I love that name!

          It’s been a while since I wrote in depth about the challenges around what happened as the situation between Jack and I developed back then. It will be interesting to see how it feels to write about it now that Jack has reached out to me, with such an unexpected result.

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          1. Again, if it is going to trigger you in any way, please don’t take that chance.
            I know I’m psyching myself up to write my own piece. It’s going to be difficult, but I think that once I get it really out of my system, I might feel a bit stronger.
            (Where the confusion happened. Therre is Dr. Tanya of Salted Caramel), Like caramel can’t be used by someone else. I’m such a dunce! 🙄
            Thank you, for being so understanding. 😘

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I think that it helps that I have a few posts on my blog that already describe some of the challenges from that time.

              I can use some of that content and build on it. More than anything it just makes me feel tired thinking about a situation that at the time I felt powerless about. Well….I did everything I could to no avail. I feel very different now. I feel as if my situation has been miraculously resolved in many respects.

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    1. I keep telling myself that no matter what happens in the future with our relationship, we can never disturb each other’s peace like that again. I love him very much, but even if the romance fades, we have to make sure we don’t damage each other.

      Liked by 1 person

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