I am not as much of a deep thinker as I used to be. I used to think and contemplate a lot when I was a younger. But now I am more of a “liver”. I’ve already made sense of so many things in my head, it has provided me with a wonderful foundation to live with gusto! Having things sorted in your head does make for a better life on the whole.
But I find myself contemplating again of late. I met a wonderful man you know as Goldfinch, who has helped my heart to heal so much. He moved back to Australia. I went to Australia to visit and there I met a girl with a Bible in her hand, and we chatted for some time. We met a few days later for a coffee and I asked her many many questions.
She gave me her e-mail address. She recommended to me that I go to the London Excel Center at the end of August to listen to a program all about what a force real love is, how real love behaves. I sat there thinking of my ex-flatmate almost the whole time. I started praying earnestly about him after that.
A couple of weeks later I went for a walk across London and ended up on the same little side-street as he was. I was overwhelmed and walked past hoping he had not seen me. He saw me. He managed to convince one of my close friends to give him my number (I had expressly asked my close friends not to give out my new number to anyone after what happened with social media a few years ago.) He rang me. I just happened to have the day free (I don’t normally) and so I was home when he rang. I was relaxed. We talked. It was a very positive conversation, we even laughed. He said some lovely things, including offering an humble apology. I agreed to meet him.
And here we are weeks later…I can hardly believe it! I find myself contemplating everything, fascinated by the twists in this saga. It was almost as if I had to have some preparation for my heart and my mind to be ready. I mean to ask him if there was anything that prompted and prepared him for this. I feel as if I have been around the world and come back again. I have been travelling along this road of life, and although enjoying the journey, I was always wondering about the destination. Right now…I feel as if I have found him again. I can hear his voice in my sleep, it’s him whispering in the night. I can hear his heartbeat when I am resting in his arms. We are at peace, that’s amazing. Everything else that has happened has been an unexpected and wonderful bonus. It was the sense of peace I was searching for all this time.