Emily Was Lonely

emilyI was thinking about a friend of mine the other day. Her name is Emily. I have mentioned her very occasionally. She was very ill some years ago – I mean very ill. She was unconscious for months in a hospital ward. Anxious times for all of us.

I dealt with my own anxiety by keeping journals for her. I started with one journal, but I think I filled six in the end. I included all sorts of things about what was happening within our group of friends. I just felt that I didn’t want her to miss anything. I glued in all sorts of pictures to accompany what I had written and included the names of songs I wanted her to listen to.

jourensls.jpgWhen she woke up and I was able to give her those journals, she was blown away by them. Recently, she told me she still has them (although it is over ten years ago that she was ill) because they were so special to her.

I was thinking about how lost in herself after the challenged she faced. Although physically she was much better, she seemed to battle depression. She had a string of romances with men who didn’t seem to be right for her. Then she started going out with a guy who had an awful reputation. She ended up marrying him. There were challenges. He was dishonest about his financial situation. She was dishonest about other things. It was so strange to watch her predicament unfolding.

loz and emThey are still married. They have done alright in the end. They have had challenges. The financial issues have taken a long time to remedy. They have kids. They have a busy family life.

I found it hard to understand what she was going through back then. She did tell me, I just didn’t understand why her feelings were influencing her decisions so much. (I was much better at reasoning to make decisions when I was younger. I have never been a “follow your heart” kind of person, because if I did I would end up seriously in trouble time and time again. No…I prefer to make careful decisions that take into account the cost of each possible choice and envision what will really me bring happiness.)

ems.jpgShe told me she was lonely. She told me she did not want to be single. She told me she didn’t care who, she wanted to with someone. I had a different approach to romance so I did not understand her.

But she was being honest about her feelings. She felt miserable on her own. She wanted to be with someone so much. She changed the way she did her make-up (drastically) and the way she dressed. Her behaviour changed significantly. She was not the same person I knew before her illness.

loz and ems.pngI still cared for her a lot, but I was so worried because her decisions seemed so reckless and I could not see how they were going to make her a happier person. Aaaaah sigh. She has made her own decisions. Some of them brought happiness, some of them brought a lot of stress and many challenges.

We are all still friends, although our lives have veered off in different directions. I think overall she would say she made the decisions that were right for her at the time. But they had a high cost at times. I think she would say they were worth the cost. I never stopped worrying for her though. I gave them hundreds of pounds when I could afford it. But there was a limit to what I could to to help them.

Whenever I hear the name Avril Lavigne, I think of Emily. Emily loved Avril’s music after she came out of her coma. Emily did not want to be on her own. She wanted to be with someone.

Let The Party Begin!

talk.pngToday is the last day of my six day work week….long days! Tonight, Jack is taking me away for a few nights. I am looking forward to our time together so much! We have spoken all week – but I missed him! He is so much fun to be with. It is always a party when you are with Jack.

Well…to cheer myself up during my nearly six days of abstinence from Jack, I had my SHARE-YOUR WORLD post to work on. I am sure you know that the questions originate with Melanie, the creator of sparksfromacombustiblemind. Here is Melanie’s original post for this week’s SHARE-YOUR-WORLD:



Where’s the line between respectful disagreement and being downright mean (bullying) to someone?

I guess that depends so much on the individuals involved, and their communication styles. I remember my Spanish and Italian friends who were married used to have what I thought were arguments with their spouses. They always seemed so dramatic! I was scared by them. I think I have realized that even when I disagree with someone, I stay tactful and diplomatic. I am careful with people, I don’t want to hurt anyone.


I have had people (I have to say it was mainly men, but just a small number of individual men) say some absolutely brutally rude things. But I had the graciousness to realize they spoke to their children worse than they had to me. They did not even realize how abrasive and distasteful their choice of words, tone of voice and liberal use of offensive language was. I honestly think “they did not know better”.

talkksOn the other hand, someone can be very careful about their choice of words, and can maintain their calm, but in some ways be insidious in the way they undermine and belittle someone else. I saw a person in a television interview who was so serene yet snotty, the interviewer lost his temper. “Serene and snotty” is not good. Neither is “abrasive and aggressive” or “brutal and bullish”. Nor is “insidious and insulting”. But when you get to know a person, its easier to understand their way of communicating.

When I lived up north, in general (forgive me for the generalisation) people sometimes were more direct, less tactful. But sarcasm often came with a giggle – I understood that someone was being a bit bold, a bit cheeky.

dorectWhen I first moved down south (I don’t mean London, I mean West Berkshire), I found it difficult to understand people at first. There seemed to be a politeness, but I realized at times that it wasn’t very sincere. I’d come from a culture of “call a spade a spade”. And I came across something I had never seen up north “superiority”.

But north or south, it takes time to get to know someone’s character and manner of communication. People have very different manners. I sometimes ask myself – is it their temper or their temperament?

scarys stffI have worked in many roles were I was dealing with patients or customers I had only just met. I try not to be too sensitive to what might seem disrespectful, rude or aggressive. They might not intend to be scary. And they might just be tired or having a bad day…or a bad life!

Yeah…I would be very hesitant to label anyone “a bully” unless I saw them repeatedly deliberately intimidating someone, with insults and tactics to make the other person feel threatened.

In all honesty…I think all of us have to work on our communication skills. I learnt that with Jack…it was misunderstandings, miscommunications, misinterpreting that did so much damage! It needed repairing.

Would you prefer to live in a world where alcohol was free or where politicians were honest?

Hee hee…is this a trick question? If they were truly honest hearted they would not be politicians.

I would like to live in a world without any “politicians”. I would like that world to be so wonderful, that if alcohol was imbibed at all, it was just a little, just enough to make your eyes sparkle. Not the sickening quantities than cause people to abandon all their principles, take dangerous risks or make awful mistakes they will regret for a lifetime.

View More: http://photos.pass.us/gloria-zee_weddingJust live, just have so much wonderful in life that alcohol is the occasional treat – like a glass of champagne at a wedding, a margarita at a party, or a glass of Baileys on a cold winter’s night. Don’t drink alone. Very bad habit to get into. Let it be the occasional treat for special celebrations (in moderation). Or if you buy a bottle of wine, let it be to share with a few friends.

But while it is a substance that can inflict so much damage – I think it is wise to keep prices high.

What’s one habit you have that your family or friends think is rather childish?

I can only think of one. It’s a life-long habit that I have often been scolded about. Leaving the house with wet hair (even in the winter). Everyone has been telling me since I was little that I will catch a cold one day or end up with arthritis.

cooling.jpgWhen we were little girls we used to swim with a local club, at least three times a week after school (for several hours). We loved swimming. We were always in the pool until closing time, trying to pretend we didn’t hear the calls from the lifeguards and our parents that it was closing time. So when we climbed out of the pool, we didn’t have time to dry our hair properly because they wanted to lock the doors! We would run out into the cold hair with dripping hair and run as fast as we could to the car (sometimes we would run to the chip shop begging out parents to buy us a bag of chips to share in the car).

Would you rather go to a big party and rub shoulders with the rich and famous or go to an amazing quiet Garden that hardly anyone has ever visited?

gardenSome of my family have very beautiful gardens, especially one of my family in Wales where my apricot (who I wanted to be called Annabelle, if she was a girl) is buried.

The amazing garden sounds absolutely lovely…but do I have to go alone? Can I take some friends too? I have a handful of famous friends, and several handfuls of rich friends. They are not all bad! Love them. They wouldn’t be my friends if they were!

Parties are great fun – so long as there are no intoxicating substances. But a big party with the kind of friends I have (hey we have laughed and danced or played games, like table-tennis, all night long) is always a blast.

I might then need to go and rest in this amazing quiet garden to calm myself down.