I will be so glad to finish this six day week of long long days at paid work. Still it will be a helpful boost to my bank balance. which will help me travel up and down to Wales, to see my family.
I will be with Jack for three days. I hope we have some chance to stretch our legs and have some fresh air. We are going to be in a very pretty part of the country. I am so looking forward to it! And so glad to be with him again.
I have had lots of fears and concerns about what everyone will think of Jack and me, not just making peace, but trying to be a couple. Advice will come. Whether I ask for it or not!
I wouldn’t be doing this if it didn’t seem like a good thing. But I am aware of the challenges. I have already had a big taste of them in the past. The difference is, I was on my own back then, this time I am going to be with Jack when I deal with those challenges.
I am a bit of a softie in some respects. I love people. So when five/six years ago I was called horrible names and became the target of slanderous slurs and insults, it did affect me. Most of that came from strangers. Some very upsetting accusations came from friends.
But what I found hardest is the way the people I admired and respected, people who I thought liked me, cooled towards me drastically. I have told Jack how much that knocked my confidence. I didn’t know who my friends were any more. Everyone seemed more worried about maintaining their friendship with Jack than me. Jack knows what a softie I am inside, how much I want to look at others with love. I have tried to explain how lost I feel at the thought of trying to restore all those friendships when they find out about Jack and me.
I want to run like a wild horse alongside him, fearlessly facing challenges, and this time…I don’t want those blows and those sharp arrows to slow me down. If strangers or “friends” start insulting, accusing, slandering me…I want Jack to help me this time. I wish I could ignore it all in some respects – but it is hard. It is hard to keep your smile when strangers make shocking statements about you.