Thank You For Two Wonderful Years

IMG_20180722_123051 (2)Two years ago…on the last Saturday in October (2017)…the night the clocks go back one hour, something rather spectacular happened:


Thank you for two amazing years!

Thank you for bringing love and joy to my heart!

Thank you for helping scars heal.

Jack seems to be in love with me. But part of me is Goldfinch. And he will always be. I mentioned to Goldfinch in the letter I sent him…I loved him and everyone in his life past and present. There was no jealousy, there couldn’t be. To me, they helped make him who he is today – the man I have loved loving for the past two years. Jack is not allowed to be jealous of Goldfinch! I am only who I am today, because I had two wonderful years with Goldfinch.

I am so glad that I made those decisions on that Saturday night in October 2017. I decided I was going to trust…and I did. I decided I wanted love in my life again…and I made the right choice. I am so glad that I met Goldfinch and have had such wonderful times with him!

Thank you Goldfinch!

A Whole Week Of Splitting Headaches

ouch1.jpgIt’s been a busy week, and next week will be even busier! But I am keeping up the pace. I had a good telling off from a colleague though. I have had bigger badder headaches, since that wooden roof bopped me on the nose. I have been struggling all week.

Jack wanted to take me to hospital, and I said no, downplaying the pain I was in. But at work the other day, I was in a very bad state. my colleague told me to go straight to A&E. Not what I wanted to hear. Anyway, after spending hours waiting, I had another scan, which said the same thing as usual…I have some unusual swellings in my head. I keep telling them it’s because I am so brainy. Sleep, water, ibuprofen was the recommendation. Same old advice.

On a more cheerful note, here is my SHARE-YOUR-WORLD post. The weekly questions for SHARE-YOUR-WORLD are hatched up by the wonderful Melanie, creator of sparksfromacombustiblemind. You can read Melanie’s original post below:

Questions Of The Day

Had any good conversations with yourself lately? Did you listen to yourself? And how’d that work out for you?

chatI don’t have conversations with myself outloud. But sometimes, in my mind, I laugh at myself. Or tell myself off.

Last week, I told myself off for answering back at someone. I was so cross with myself. It was such a petty little thing. I thought I was right, and I spoke my mind. But there was no need for me to do so. The fact is there are sometimes ten (or a hundred) different “right” ways to handle something. That was an occasion when I should have just been more respectful, instead of trying to press a point. I was annoyed with myself for impetuously insisting I was right. How I regretted that!

contempate.pngI guess in my head, I do sometimes reason out situations I have been in and then try to decide if I should have done something differently. Especially when I feel guilty, and feel it is worthwhile apologising or acknowledging my error. Dont worry, I don’t brew over things to my detriment. I am not the type to beat myself up over things indefinitely. I just like to sort things out in my head. I like to do a quick playback and decide if I should have done things differently. It’s just mental gardening – weeding, pruning the not so good, and cultivating positive refreshing, upbuilding thoughts and feelings.

I want to be a nice person and not let harsh traits ever develop. So I ask myself, why on earth did you just do that? Was that really kind? Do you think the other person feels better now? Or do you think they may have felt irritated by what I did? I try to think about how to be a kinder, lovelier person. I want to be like my parents who seem to always be so naturally lovely.

And I have noticed something interesting. People may or may not automatically forgive you when you irritate them – there are no guarantees. However, when you go back to someone and say sorry and express regret, they are almost always touched. People appreciate that kind of humility, it is endearing.

What is gravity and how does it work?

How much time do we have to answer this question? Scientists are still studying gravity and trying to understand this remarkable “feature” of our universe.

gravMost famously, Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein have published conclusions, which form the foundation for our understanding of gravity.

Initially, Newton’s equations said that all objects, small or large, exert a pull on one another. Basically, the bigger the object, the stronger the pull. The nearer the object, the stronger the pull. I hope I am not over-simplifying this.

A lot more has been published since then on the subject of gravity. This is still a fascinating subject that scientists do not fully understand. But the discoveries of both Newton and Einstein demonstrate that laws govern the movements of objects in our universe. It appears that gravity acts as a bond that sort of holds the universe together.

Although we may not understand it fully, we have a lot to be grateful for when it comes to gravity. Without gravity we simply could not exist! Here is some of what gravity does:

  • grav1.gifGravity keeps our sun together, sustaining its nuclear reactions. Without the sun, we would not have the heat and light life on earth depends on.
  • Gravity keeps our spinning earth in orbit around the sun​. This means we don’t go flying off into outer space. It also means we have daytime, nighttime, and beautiful seasons.
  • Earth’s atmosphere is held in place by gravity, including the air we breathe which is essential to life.
  • The pull of gravity from the moon and the sun generates regular tides that help circulate the waters of our oceans.

What is more real – Mind or Matter?

at that level.jpg“More real”…I have never thought about that concept. I find this question interesting because it helps to illustrate that there are things we cannot necessarily see, or understand, that are very real and have a huge effect.

I guess we just accept matter for what it is…stuff. Energy has been converted into matter or “stuff”. Everything in our material universe is made of matter. It is the building blocks of stars, trees, creatures. Matter can take on many different forms, gaseous, liquid or solid objects. There are a colossal amount of combinations of elements (all matter) that form complex and incredible objects and creatures. Our brains are made of matter.

mond.jpgWhat is the mind? I guess, when we refer to the mind,  we are thinking of something that is more than a combination of chemical components. The mind, the intelligent mind, aware of it’s existence and environment, able to reason, contemplate and wonder, is in some ways a miracle.

I have read that scientists, after studying all of the mechanics of the human brain, are in some ways baffled as to how that enormous jump can be made to such astonishing consciousness and awareness. The human mind is truly remarkable. Of course one thing that the mind can do though is conjure up what is not real. It can imagine and dream, either for good or for bad.

Should a vegetarian (or vegan) eat animal crackers?

cansWell…here is a question, since most of us would be rightly horrified at the thought of cannibalism, should we be eating gingerbread men?

When I was a little girl I discovered that the Cheese and Onion crisps Mum bought were not vegetarian. But the Roast Chicken flavour and the Steak and Onion flavour crisps were vegetarian. I also noticed at some stage that Chicken Pot Noodles were vegetarian, as they contained soya, not real chicken. But as a little one, I preferred not to eat the meaty flavours because they turned my stomach. Instead I chose the non-vegetarian Cheese and Onion crisps.

Nowadays there are all sorts of vegetarian products designed to look and taste like meat. I occasionally eat them, especially if someone has bought them and cooked them for me. Although I prefer my veggies and love vegetable creations, it’s interesting to have a variety of flavours and textures. It is so long since I ate meat (I was six when I became vegetarian) I am not sure what meat tastes like really.

Animal crackers – well, I have never tried them. But, I don’t see any reason why a vegetarian shouldn’t eat them. I only know what animal crackers are because of that wonderful Shirley Temple song.

Name (describe) something you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark and deserted wood or alley.   Politicians are a given, so skip those please.  Thanks! 

IMG_20180722_132523.jpgI know this is going to sound daft, but I have a bit of a phobia of anything dead. (Which I had to overcome when I was working in palliative care and faced seeing a patient taking their last breaths. In fact, working in palliative care made me less afraid of humans who have died.)

Sead animals still freak me out. I am not afraid of them, but I physically recoil from dead animals. Any kind of live animal is fine – creepy crawlies, snakes, anything alive does not freak me out. But dead ones make me go weak. And don’t get me started on the stuffed animals people have as decorations in their home – ay karumba!

Which I sometimes wonder is part of the reason I decided to become vegetarian. I used to feel faint any time we went near a butchers – the smells of meat, either raw or cooking used to make me feel sick. As I have grown older I became more accustomed to the smell of meat, but I have never had the desire to eat it myself.

Recently when I was with Jack, there was something that looked half-eaten on our path. I had to take a massive detour because I couldn’t bear to even look at it. I think Jack thought I was a bit of a fruitcake. But…anyway. He humoured me.

Kristian Has Nominated Me For The Mystery Blogger Award

I have been nominated for THE MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD by one of my favourite bloggers, wonderful Kristian, the creator of Tales from the mind of Kristian, as you can see from his post below:


What is the Mystery Blogger Award?

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion. – Okoto Enigma


  • Put the award logo/image on your blog.
  • List the rules.
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  • Answer the questions from the blogger that nominated you
  • Nominate 10-20 other bloggers.
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question.
  • Share a link to your best posts.

Three Things About Me

bloggging6I have recently written a long fictional project that has given me the opportunity to weave a lot of personal situations in my life and portray them through the lives of my fictional characters, my main protagonist was Annabelle Riley. Although it probably isn’t particularly worthy of anyone else’s attention, I have found the writing the story tremendously satisfying and rewarding.

Whenever I am distressed by what is going on in the world, I close my eyes and call to mind a vision that has comforted me since I was a child. That sounds a bit weird doesn’t it. I am not suggesting I was miraculously given a vision. It’s just something that I envision based on what I have read since I was five years old. It’s hard to describe in detail what I see and the feelings it stirs.


The only way I can describe it is universal peace. But it has at the center someone who loves us so dearly – our Creator. Around him trillions and trillions orbit. And there is peace. The feeling of peace is overwhelming. It is tremendously comforting. After I was raped and attacked…I used to have to call that vision to mind frequently. It was immensely powerful and calming. It sums up the hope I have, not just for me, but for everything living. I long for the entire universe to be a peace and to feel loved. It’s not something I want for myself alone, I want everyone to feel that sense of security and to know that there is nothing and nobody sinister who is going to disturb that peace. I’m a funny old thing aren’t I! But if you were to read my heart and peer into my dreams…that is what you find.

sighSomething amazing has happened to me recently. Somebody who I thought hated me, because of a situation that has caused me tremendous anguish for years, made contact with me. Since then, he and I have been spending a lot of time together. My heart has been doing somersaults. Anyone who has experienced that kind of rift with somebody they loved must be able to relate to how much you long for relief, for peace to be restored. It does feel like a miracle has occurred.

One Of My Best Posts

I have been looking back at some of the posts I have written in the past. ALthough dire to read, some of them were very important to me. I know that some who read them found it hard to understand. But I was trying to explain how I truly felt. But now I am so glad that I put my feelings down on record. I have written a lot down over the past six or seven years, ever since we met. It helps to reassure him. He had no idea what I was thinking and feeling.

Everyone Kept Saying That I Had To Let You Go… I Love You, You’re The Love Of My Life

Questions From Kristian

Where do you think all the things that are lost go to?

I don’t actually have all that much. What I do lose is the occasional sock, umbrellas (I leave them all over London when travelling around) and phone numbers that people give me on a scrap of paper.

lost1Well, funny enough I found a lot of the things I lost recently. I have been driving myself crazy looking for shoes and books and kitchen equipment ever since I came back from Australia. Well I found a box with a lot of those things in them. I packed a lot of my personal items away when I was going to Australia because there was a holiday maker here in my flat while I was away. When I came back I unpacked most of my personal items, but somehow I missed a box. Phew!

If we go forward in time far enough would we end up back at the beginning?

time passing.gifI expect not.

We have been able to chart the passing of time with the movements of earth in relation to the sun and moon and stars.

We are so young. Our concept of time is so basic. And we are often conscious of having a limited amount of time to accomplish what we think we need to.

I wonder if the way we measure time will change when we start to feel forever stretching out before us.

What is the greatest mystery that you would like to know the answer to?

I love geology, but it is a field where you read a lot of contradictory information. I feel safer with physics and maths, so long as it is not overly theoretical. In the field of geology, like a lot of history, different researchers look at evidence and give their interpretation of it. It would be wonderful to know accurately what happened.

upended.jpgI remember doing a tour of caves in Gibraltar. The tour guide explained that geologists feel that the rock has been turned upside down. They explained that some force ripped up the rock and upended it. They theorise that this would have allowed waters from the Atlantic to pour into the Mediterranean basin. The guide said they think it would have been one of the most spectacular waterfalls to have occured on Planet Earth.

Do you think we’ll ever find intelligent life in space?

Would you like the short answer or the long one???

angelI do believe that there are plenty of intelligent creatures who are not like us. We are made of matter. There are intelligent creatures who are not made of matter. Why do I say that? Well, our Creator was able to take vast amounts of energy and convert it into matter. He himself is unlikely to be made of matter if he has this kind of control over it.

Before our Creator formed the material universe, He made other creatures like Him, also not made of matter. They were present when He made the earth. They were present when He prepared it for habitation and introduced millions of creatures. They were present when He created the first two intelligent creatures made of matter.

makeIt seems unlikely that He created intelligent creatures made of matter on other planets. Why do I say that? Well, if there were other intelligent creatures made of matter, then I suspect the way our Creator dealt with the issues caused by Adam and Eve’s rebellion may have been different. But our Creator did not want to give up on His purpose. The history of mankind will provide a judicial precedent for any other intelligent creatures – our history on earth may well provide a testimony for the rest of intelligent creation throughout the material universe.

Do you think we’ll find it on earth?

“Intelligent life”? Is this a joke question? Or I am detecting a hint of cynicism?

The capacity we have as humans is remarkable.

brain universeFor years man’s brain has been likened to a computer, yet recent discoveries show that the comparison falls far short. “How does one begin to comprehend the functioning of an organ with somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 billion neurons with a million billion synapses (connections), and with an overall firing rate of perhaps 10 million billion times per second?” asked Dr. Richard M. Restak. His answer? “The performance of even the most advanced of the neural-network computers . . . has about one ten-thousandth the mental capacity of a housefly.” Consider, then, how much a computer fails to measure up to a human brain, which is so remarkably superior.

brainThe Encyclopædia Britannica states that man’s brain “is endowed with considerably more potential than is realizable in the course of one person’s lifetime.”⁠ It also has been stated that the human brain could take any load of learning and memory put on it now, and a billion times that! We use a tiny tiny fraction of our brain’s potential in a normal human lifetime.

quote9.jpgBut there is another remarkable capacity that all intelligent creatures need ongoing training and practice with: genuine unselfish love or kindness. We have an amazing capacity for capacity for genuine, disinterested, true altruism.  Only in humans is it practiced with an awareness of the cost, or sacrifice, that may be involved.

In other words…our potential is simply astronomical…both the capacity of our brains and the capacity of our figurative hearts…what we need is our Creator’s guidance to help reach our full potential! It’s hard to reach our potential with bruised and broken hearts. We are going to need patient loving care before we can run like horses!

Questions For My Nominees


My Nominees