Walk This Way

walk dark1I do love the walks in the dark that these autumn evenings are making possible for me and “Jack”. We have talked and talked. But it’s all good. Just when I find it’s becoming a bit intense (we have had a lot to discuss), he seems to be able to read my face perfectly. So he changes the mood with something to make me laugh.

Little by little, all sorts of questions are being answered. Although at times I have been scared of how much I have trusted him – I’ve felt vulnerable at times, when I realize how quickly we have ended up so so close. Yet I think he is giving me every reason to trust him. It is unimaginable after the intimacy we have shared this past month, he would walk away now.

Time together is so important! Talking things over is too. If we are going to stay together. If we are going to be together and forge a lasting unit, it’s so important. Our lives as volunteers mean travelling extensively. We will be working with all sorts of other people, a lot of people. Living conditions can be tough. It is physically and emotionally demanding. We will be tired. I know what it is like to live with him when he is tired and a little irritable. I don’t really become irritable myself. However, I can become very quiet (and a little unnecessarily fearful) if I don’t know how to deal with the tension around me.

braver.jpgSo it is good that we are sorting so much out now. I like walking in the dark with him for so many reasons. It’s good for my heart. And it’s romantic. Cold evenings, wrapped up in jumpers and scarves. Walking along whilst holding hands, swinging our arms. When people are headed towards us…he will just pull his scarf up a bit more. For my sake mainly. He doesn’t care who recognises him. He is hiding for the sake of my privacy. But it’s not fair to expect him to do that long-term.

There is a little lane that runs down the spine of the hill. During the day, you see an occasional car racing up or down, some idiot who has realized it is a short-cut. The residents hate that. But at night it is very quiet. I think I have had a hundred kisses from him on that little lane…my spine tingles thinking about it.

It’s darker earlier and earlier. It’s also getting colder and colder. I’m becoming braver and braver about walking with him along the quiet lanes and pathways that wriggle out all over this part of London. I am nervous about the busier streets, bustling with restaurants and bars. But what I have realized is that there will come a point when I won’t be as anxious. Because all that will matter is being with him. I can feel myself becoming entangled with him. Do you know what I mean?

14 thoughts on “Walk This Way

  1. It all sounds lovely. I agree it’s crucial to iron out possible problems before they occur. Many men dislike doing that, so it’s great Jack wants to engage in lots of communication. 💖

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    1. lol – I don’t think he has any choice about it! I think he wishes I would lighten up about a couple of things, but he did not realize what I had to deal with in the past. I made him read fourteen A4 pages (both sides) of all the insulting comments I had seen about moi online and received face to face.

      But what he does like is being together. He is so easy going Paula, such a big teddy bear. He is a chatterer (even more than I am) and is very funny. He has such an interesting life (he gets to go to all sorts of events and projects) and has amazing experiences to share with me. He is not someone I could ever tire of.

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      1. Meghan Markle just said in an interview that she was warned the British tabloids would destroy her life and she didn’t take it that seriously. They are worse than here apparently. And they are horrible here!

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        1. The tabloids that have been unkind about her are the kind of papers that most sensible people consider trashy papers (but there are people who love reading that rubbish). I have seen some links to snarky looking articles whenever I open up Google and it displays recommendations.

          What I was concerned about when I heard about their engagement was the conversation I was hearing in restaurants and at parties. I heard grown women being snarky about her before she ever arrived. Not nice to see that behaviour. It was clear they were being cruel – and at the end of the day it is just plain jealousy and resentment.

          She is not the only one. I don’t know if more in England than elsewhere, but you hear people putting others down over petty things. I think it gives them some kind of a boost to belittle others. So sad.

          One of my friends was mocking Meghan recently for not being able to cope with the media attention and remarked why did she go into acting? why did she marry into the royal family? Well….I opened google and typed in Meghan Markle and showed her some of the rubbish that is online – and I just asked how would you like it if strangers were digging into the ins and outs of your family history and relationships and making it trash news on that scale?

          But coming back to Meghan…I hope she knows that people whose minds are trashy will always enjoy reading trashy gossip that belittles people they are actually jealous of. I hope she knows that nice people just want her to be able to be happy and healthy and enjoy her life with her husband and son.

          People have mixed views about the taxpayer footing the bill for much of the royal activities. We read about the income they generate and the good they do for charities and worthy causes – but there are people who are always going to have their own opinion. Opinions on the royal family are perhaps as divisive as Brexit.

          Well…that is my tuppence worth! But yes…I want to avoid attention from strangers who sometimes say very unkind things about people they have never met and do not know at all.

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    1. Yes, we have a plan. Christmas we are going to tell our families. When we are back in London we will speak to close friends. The first public event I am attending with him is mid-January. Which, in my mind, will be like walking on fiery coals. But he is trying to build my enthusiasm for it.

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      1. I suppose it’s one of those things that the longer it goes on, the bigger it becomes. I thought it was interesting this weekend just gone – Meghan was saying how her Brit friends warned her off Harry because of the tabloids – so you’re probably right to be cautious.

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