My Heart Was Racing

When I saw the writing prompt from Sarah Elizabeth Moore, at first I thought about the scariest things that have happened to me. That night in the park was above and beyond any other kind of scariness in my life.

scared1.jpgHowever, the prompt is worded THE SCARIEST THING I’VE EVER DONE…which is a whole different kettle of fish isn’t it! Phew!!!

I don’t feel scared because of heights or the dark. But I have sometimes found some responsibilities I was assigned scary. Different assignments I have received were scary for different reasons. Sometimes I have just felt overwhelmed or completely inadequate by something I have been asked to do.

I think I felt a bit like that when I left home. It was scary! I was moving from an area that is relatively inexpensive to live, to one of the most expensive parts of the country. But boy, did that work out! I ended up living rent free in luxury! (That’s another story.)

Manchester bomb.jpgWhen I was working at a steward we had a couple of bomb threats. Once the suspicious package was right on the stairwell where I was posted. Little old me (I was only about twenty-one at the time) had to direct crowds of people to make a swift departure. My heart was racing. I knew how serious the situation was. I was in Manchester City Center on a Saturday morning in June 1996, when an IRA bomb destroyed the area where I had been shopping a short time before we were evacuated.

ralph and annieWhen I was assigned to serve full-time caring for patients with terminal illness – I thought at times I was unable to cope with that assignment. But it turned out to be my niche, in a way I never would have expected. I loved the privilege I had in devoting myself to the care of very courageous men and women.

I was once asked to drive two of the most important dignitaries in the country across London. I must admit, I did crunch the gears a couple of times…but I did alright! It was a top-secret situation, and because I was aware of the situation, I had the call asking me to drive these two men. But the responsibility of who I was driving made me want to wet myself!

scaryThere was another occasion when I almost lost my bottle. I have had to be on stage in front of audiences on many occasions. But normally those audiences are 200-1000 people. However, when I was asked to speak in front of 15,000 people…that was kind of scary! The weirdest thing was the sound system, It felt as if my voice was echoing around the venue. I was glad to leave the stage that night.

Doing scary things is one of those things in life. You learn that you have strengths you never imagined. Lesson learned…it’s alright to be scared. Being brave does not mean being without fear. Being brave means that despite fear you do what you need to do. Sometimes being scared makes you take the responsibility you have been given even more seriously and give your utmost to your assignment.


This was my response to the writing prompt from Sarah Elizabeth Moore:

Jack And Mel Went Up The Hill

hillPoor Jack! He had a fright this week. I had a little breathing episode. It’s this annoying head of mine. Sometimes my brain seems slow to catch up with my body demanding more oxygen. We had been walking up hill. It was dark. I think Jack thought I had tripped over at first.

Anyway…we had the lovely privilege of spending part of the evening in a London hospital, rather than snuggling up on the sofa, as we would have otherwise.

It changed the tone of our time together. I think Jack was a bit freaked by it all. But I kept telling him he was allowed to touch me, I wasn’t going to break in pieces. So he returned to his lovely huggable ways.

tumbleIn some ways, it was important that he understands for himself the effects of that night I went to the park. I don’t want him to be plagued with why I went there. What I mean is, he needs to understand why I was not able to return to London straight away. He needs to understand why I have been limited with regards the kind of projects I work on. In a way, it might make him aware of why I can’t play basketball and run for miles like I used to do.

hindsight1Sigh. I have mixed feelings about it all – as you may imagine. It’s so important for him to know. I have mentioned it to him. But after what happened, I think it’s hit home to him. It’s sad, so sad, that that stupid mistake of mine, to feel I could not go home yet, because I could not face him, and to go to a park instead. If I had guessed how he really felt about me, I would never have gone to that park on my own. That stupid mistake still has consequences that may affect our future happiness. Sad face! 😦

But Jack was wonderful. Happy face! 🙂

Anyway…it is important to me that Jack knows that nothing matters anymore. I don’t care about what happened in the past and the sad consequences. He has fixed everything just by picking up the phone to try to make things right between us. No matter what happens, I can take it. He has made me stronger. He has fixed me. Nothing else matters anymore.