Feelings Like Photons

feelings.gifI think I mentioned a while back that I was trying to write a letter to Goldfinch, but I was struggling because my feelings were mixed up. It was nothing on his part that was causing it…I just felt so happy out in Australia, and was so sad that the time with him had come to an end. I didn’t want to overwhelm him with a deluge of emotion in that letter.

Anyway…I sat down and thoughts and words finally came. But what I wanted to mention to you today is a kind of illustration I used to explain my emotional make-up.

I remember years ago learning about the journey of photons from the sun’s core to it’s surface and then it’s ongoing journey from the surface of the sun out into the surrounding solar system, possibly even heading to our beautiful planet. I have read lots of articles about this fascinating process, and although the basics are very similar, some of the time frames guesstimated are different.

fusion.pngBut essentially, it takes a very long time for a photon to escape from the sun’s core and travel to the surface so it can launch itself into the solar system. How long? One article said anywhere between 10,000 and 170,000 years. Another said anywhere between 50,000 and 15,000,000 years. I have seen other articles that simple give an average, but three different articles gave me three different averages, 16,000 said one, 45,000 said another, 1,000,000 said yet another. I’m not worried. I don’t see anyway they can be 100% sure of something that is currently completely beyond our ability to measure accurately. The point is, it takes a very long time!

And it is not an easy journey at all! One article described the photon’s journey as “hellish”. Essentially it is bounced around, as if it is trapped in a giant insane pinball machine. And it’s all super fast. How fast? At the speed of light presumably!

nurtureContrast this with what happens when it leaves the sun’s surface…a photon would take just over eight minutes (most articles seem to agree on this) to travel from the surface of the sun, to our planet Earth. There it will do amazing things! It will nurture life, power generators, bring cheer to people’s hearts…but potentially it could cause damage, burn skin or scorch earth.

Well…I sat down to finish my letter Goldfinch. I was bursting with emotion that I have not let escape in all this time. It has been bombarding around me, chaotically colliding with other thoughts and feelings. It has felt like nuclear fusion, like an insane pinball machine that was hurling everything in my heart in mystifying directions.

hug.pngAnd now it would take me a relatively short amount of time to let those emotions escape and form on paper…it will take Goldfinch even less time to read them. But I wanted him to know, they are only intended to warm his heart and to bring cheer, to empower him and to nurture his soul. They are not supposed to burn or scorch or do any damage.

I would love to him to think of me and understand that if I could harness my feelings, they would be warm embraces, huge fond hugs, communicating how embedded in my heart he is.

brightSo I managed it…I wrote down a beautiful letter than expresses my love, my gratitude and my joy at everything he has been, everything he has done, everything he has shared with me. His warmth has breathed life and joy and pleasure into me. He has caused me to blossom and thrive again. My letter is on it’s way to Australia even now…sadly not travelling at the speed of light. It encapsulates my photon-like feelings and expresses my hope that whenever he thinks of me, it will warm him and energise him. For he will always be a spark of joy in my heart.

I do hope I see him again. These 10,100 miles are a very grievous thing. I would love to be able to travel at the speed of light. Someone else did the maths…and worked out that travelling at the speed of light, it would take just over half a second to travel from London to Australia. I wonder if my photon-like feelings are strong enough to travel at that speed and to deliver the same impact they left my heart with.