When you want somebody by your side. When you want the person you love by your side. When you want to feel their hand in yours, their arms around you, their kisses on the back of your neck.
I make my way back from Wales to London today…on my own for the journey this time (except for a hundred or so passengers on the train of course). Until we meet again my dear…it’s only in my head that you are with me. If the other passengers had any idea what is going on in my mind when I think of you, when I conjure up memories of you.
When I am with you again…I will kiss the back of your next a hundred times…maybe you will understand what that does to me.
Have you ever become exhausted by worry over a situation and then at long last relief appeared? Is it normal that after years of wondering and worrying that has worn me down and made me weary, when the opportunity to talk things over finally arrives…I have found I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about the hurt, I don’t care about the pain. I am just so thoroughly utterly glad and relieved.
I feel I must be completely mad! I’ve been won over by what seemed like a heartfelt genuine apology and beautiful words and sentiments. This is either the biggest mistake of my life, or the grandest blessing of my existence!
So much has melted into unimportance. What used to matter no longer matters. There are a few little things that matter. I have said absolutely no to him posting any kind of photograph with me online for the moment. He is snap happy! I have made it clear I still do not trust him. It’s as if he cannot control his enthusiasm. Don’t worry, I said it in a nice way. I told him he is sometimes like a firework that shoots up into the sky and bursts out in all directions, because he is so excited by things. That is partly adorable. But in the past it has caused problems when he became excited too early. It’s too early now. We need to build trust. I think he is taking on board what I am saying.
I am scratching my head wondering what is going on. I am still in a dreamlike state. It’s so bizarre. Goldfinch has been fantastic. He is as I expected. He is a wonderful man. He always told me he wanted me to meet someone and fall in love. I don’t think he imagined this would happen. In fact I remember us having the only discussion close to an argument we ever did have, up in Coventry because of my ex-flatmate. It’s all melted into unimportance. When you love someone, misunderstandings do melt away into unimportance. You move on because of love and trust.
Anyway…just enjoying the being alone…before the craziness begins. It will come. He will want to take photos of us and post them on Instagram. But not yet. Not until the trust is stronger.