The phone-call I received…it produced a huge swell of hope and relief and gladness in my heart. I guess it is very fragile, very delicate, at the moment. So for lots of reasons, I am going to hold it all within for the moment. If I told my family, if I told my friends, if I wrote about it on WordPress, I expect I would receive many varying opinions. Others, including those who care for me, might want to burst my bubble.
I do realize that I need to keep my head on and stay in control of my emotions. But I know me. I don’t give up hope easily. For years it has weighed on my mind that there was somebody, a person who I loved, with whom I had a rift. The peace between us was disturbed. I have pushed on with life, with a heavy burden on my heart.
And now…there is an exquisite rainbow coloured bubble hovering in my heart that has lifted it, lifted me, and I am frightened that if I share it with everyone who knows me, there will be some who will try to burst it.
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This was my post in response to FANDANGO’S FLASH FICTION CHALLENGE:
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/09/09/fandangos-flash-fiction-challenge-31/
Back in May, I started planning ahead to keep my blog ticking over while I was travelling in Australia. Throughout the summer months I re-published many of my posts about Goldfinch. One a day Monday – Friday 05:58am. Yesterday was the last post I had scheduled to be published.
I am so glad that Goldfinch walked into my life one night October 2017. I have become such a hopeless romantic since I met him! I have loved every moment with him. It’s changed me from someone who was scared of men (after the night I was attacked four years ago), to being someone who loves being wrapped up in the arms of the man she loves, someone who is smitten with romance and loveliness. Someone who is more comfortable with trust and sentimental decisions. Someone who enjoys being vulnerable in the arms of a man who is so much stronger.
Put the award logo/image on your blog
What do you want to know??? I am running out of new things I can tell you because I have done so many of these award posts.
My dream is to build a boat (with the man I love) and sail around the world as slowly as possible – immersing ourselves in the local communities wherever we travel, making friends (members of our wonderful human family) and exploring their cuisine, music, culture.
The weirdest thing? Oooooh. Lots of weird things have happened. Most seemed weird at the time, but were less weird when someone explained their actions.
Some years ago I was in Monte Carlo. I was visiting the palace and ended up straying from the group of tourists I was with and wandering into an area where I was presented with a glass of champagne. Friendly old me started chatting with a couple of people around my age. After a while, I decided to leave the group and go and find where my mum had disappeared to.
As I stepped out onto the pavement a few people who I believe were speaking German ran up to me and started babbling at me. I could not understand them at all. But they were taking photographs of me and all seemed rather excited. The group of people who were gathering around me started to grow and cameras were all pointed at me. To be honest I found it rather intimidating. Then I spotted my mum through the crowd laughing at me and looking as bewildered as I was. I pushed my way through everyone to reach my mum and asked her if we could go somewhere less crowded.
I longed to become a full-time international volunteer. I had met many who were. But I was given a very realistic description of the challenges that are involved in that role. The accommodation is very basic and modest – well small, very small. There is a a strict schedule and volunteers are often required to work “over-time”. There can be challenges when sharing kitchen and bathroom areas with other volunteers who come from different backgrounds and cultures. The physical demands and difficulties in the various challenging assignments can be exhausting. And for everything you do you receive food and lodgings but no wages. I am pretty sure the marines are paid some kind of salary.
For many reasons, the number of single men vastly outweighs the number of single women. There are many many part-time roles for women, but the role of a full-time international volunteer is so tough, that it is normally only men who are invited to take up this role. The physical, emotional, mental tests they put you under are designed to reveal if you really can take on a self-sacrificing role and if you really can be sent anywhere in the world and adapt to any way of living. Many men cannot hack it. Yet in general, they are more likely to endure and remain in this role for longer.
I have read about people who were imprisoned, not due to to some immoral heinous act, but because they could not go along with what they knew was wrong. I have read the stories of others who were executed for their courageous stand for right. Their conscience objected to something a government required. I have met German conscientious objectors who refused to perform the Nazi salute (that infamous expression “heil Hitler” became mandatory for German citizens when he was in power). They were in their eighties mostly when I met them, but they had they had that sparkle in their eye that comes with a clean conscience.
I am really in awe of those who are not swept up in the heat of propaganda, not easily swayed by popular opinion. Those who have their eyes fixed on what is right and true and will not compromise their integrity. Quiet, peaceful, ordinary people made into superheros by remarkable courage.
Yes they may have been afraid. They may have been scorned or punished by others. But they knew there are some things more important than fear. I am so impressed by those who have immense conviction and quietly and respectfully hold their ground on matters which put their beliefs to the test.
Caramel 