I have deliberately made every effort to keep my life simple so that I could remain as a volunteer. The only men I have developed close friendships / romances with in the past where those who had the same goals in life I did. I could only ever see myself marrying someone who was going to be my partner in volunteering. I have more stories to tell you in the future of course about men in my past.
But since I have met Goldfinch…well, he is not a volunteer. He has helped charities. I had a really cute photo of him at a fund-raising games event at a local care home. But in general the type of volunteering I have been involved in has been on a very different scale. I didn’t receive any wages at all for over five years.
Since I have met Goldfinch unfamiliar thoughts have fluttered through my mind at times. Thoughts I just have never really had before. Longing for the permanence and security of a life-long mate.
The thought of what a privilege it would be to carry his child and raise him in a way that would make his Dadda and his grandparents really proud.
The thought of sharing a contented family home full of the warmth and security my parents provided me with. The fun we could have as a family. Teaching little ones to read and write, how to ride a bike and climb trees, how to cook and clean and sew and paint.
I have never really had a desire for any of these things before. It’s so strange what happens when you meet a man who stirs up love and respect and admiration and loyalty in you. It messes with your head. Thoughts that never interested you before start swimming around.
It’s probably a good thing that Goldfinch is on his way to Australia.
If he stayed…I don’t know what crazy things I might start wanting!