It’s More Than A Blister

After sleeping only four hours last night, despite being in bed for nine hours (we are blaming Jack for that – I was wide awake thinking about him), I had to put a lot of make-up on to try to be prepared for my little money-earning venture today. I walked home from the venue where I had to work today. I did not have the right footwear for that trek. I now have a blister.

belle walkingA blister is nothing in the long run of things – is it? A blister will soon be forgotten about. It will heal quickly. But there are other wounds (as I am sure you know well) that take longer to heal.

Today there were a couple of people at the event where I was working, who I recognised. They are from my “past”. We used to be friends. At least that’s what I considered them as. We worked together on a couple of projects, and we were at a lot of social events together.

But after what happened, they have not been part of my life. There are different reasons for that. It’s not all because people have tried to stay close to Jack. It’s partly my fault. I have moved a few times. I have changed my mobile number. I have stopped using the e-mail address I used to use. (I now have four e-mail addresses. One for work and business, one for friends and family, one for this blog and another one which I hardly ever use. It’s the e-mail address I give to people I am not really sure about.)

staring and whispering.jpgWhen I see people from my “past”, I am not always sure how to react. I generally wait for them to act. These two clearly recognised me. I could see they were looking in my direction a lot. It could have been in my head, but I became convinced they were staring at me and whispering to each other. But they didn’t say anything to me. I saw them both using their mobile phones. I felt like launching myself upon them and begging them not to tell Jack they had seen me.

I walked home just to calm myself down. And I must admit when I reached the little nest, it felt so good to be able to lock up the huge gates and disappear into my hideaway. After all I said in my earlier post today, it turns out I am actually still hiding.

Silly isn’t it. “Yesterday” – as in, my “past” life, life before Jack and I became estranged, and before I was found battered and bruised in a north London park – my yesterday is still having a huge effect on my today, never mind my tomorrow.

3 thoughts on “It’s More Than A Blister

  1. Yesterday is a stunning song. Yet it is so full of sadness. The soul can heel but it might take years. That’s what I tell myself anyway. I felt the same way after I lost K. If people saw me I was sure when they used the phone they were telling people ‘that bereaved dad is not at home grieving’.

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