I Have Never Had Writer’s Block Before

I am trying to write a letter to Goldfinch…and for some strange reason I am lost for words. It’s not like me. I have written many words of love to him in the past twenty months.

scribe.jpgIn fact I have probably written too many words, in too many letters and e-mails. But there have been times when i have been absolutely bursting with love for him…and I wrote it down. I poured my heart out onto a page and put it in an envelope with a first class stamp on it to send it off to Coventry…or just pressed send. While Goldfinch has been in Australia, I have emailed and texted and we have spoken on the phone.

writingBut now I want to write a beautiful letter in my own hand-writing. And yet…I have writer’s block!!! It’s awful. It’s not that the feelings that are lacking – oh no not at all. I am holding back, I think, because I don’t want to be too intense. I don’t want to send him something that is nonsensical. I want to come across perfectly balanced, composed, rational. But writing a rational love letter is not the easiest thing to do – let me tell you.

It’s weird. All the time he was in England, I was only ever able to spend a day or two with him. So my long messages in between seemed perfectly appropriate. But after being with Goldfinch for a longer time period, I am frightened that he won’t want me to be gushing with romantic silliness.

Problem is…I am more in love than ever. More eager to keep his attention. More desperate for his affection. More frustrated at being so far away. More impatient to be back with him soon. More terrified than I have ever been that if I get something wrong, if I choose the wrong words, if I miss something out…I might lose him.

Love, my friends, can be tortuous!

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15 thoughts on “I Have Never Had Writer’s Block Before

    1. I wrote two paragraphs last night – very sentimental…and I will try to write some more. I just want to make sure he enjoys my letter, so I am putting lots of humour in so it’s not all ooooey goooooey! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I absolutely hate it when my heart and mind have something awesome but just won’t release it into my hands…. this happens too often too…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A blank page can be scary. I sometimes have these thoughts and feelings in my head, but to put them on paper is a different story. On paper, they become real. And what if someone sees them? I think you have a good approach – a bit of humor is good.

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    1. It’s silly, but I am so scared to lose him.

      When I was over there he remarked a few times that it was amazing how much I talked. He cited a quote he had read saying that women speak 30,000 words a day on average, whereas men speak 8,000 on average.

      He said I was probably more like 50,000+

      It has made me frightened to bombard him with too much. It’s so silly, but I can’t imagine life without him now. I am petrified I am going to do something or say something that will make him not want me anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can understand that.
        You’re excited – that can trigger talking.
        Maybe tell him WHY you talk so much. You’re bursting with words and need to release them, or something like that.
        The truth is that if he can’t get over this, then maybe it’s not meant to be…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You are right I am very excited. I never thought I would be comfortable with a man after what happened to me a few years ago. So to meet someone so wonderful, I have always given my 110% with Goldfinch. I think he just wants me to relax. He is a relaxed soul. He thinks life should be pleasure not stress. So I think he likes me to just enjoy every moment and not let my mind race ahead worrying. He is so lovely.

          Liked by 1 person

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