If I Could, I Would

I am not sure why this song is going round and round my head?

Is it because I am worried I may have been a bit less than chipper last time I was with Goldfinch…because I was so incredibly tired? I think we had a sort of argument. It is weighing heavily on my mind.

Or…is it because my ex-flatmate (who we are calling Jack) has been on my mind all week?

Ironically, the argument between Goldfinch and me was about Jack. I love Jack, and it hard to hear anyone say a bad word about him, even Goldfinch.

I let Jack interfere with my relationship with Goldfinch. It was not the same. He did not seem to have the same enthusiasm as normal. There were points were he did not seem to want to hold my hand, which was awful. He always holds my hand everywhere we go. Although later we found a grassy part of the park and lay down on a picnic blanket and he wrapped me up in his arms – but I was already feeling rejected by then.

In the restaurant when he was mouthing off about Jack, I became quietly furious and would not say a word. I think that when I said that there is no better man in the world to me than Jack in such a bold voice…well, I regret hurting Goldfinch. He might not be hurt. I don’t know. But he was weird. I have just given him another reason to go back to Australia not thinking about me and whether I am going to miss him. He may think I am indifferent or that he is a temporary substitute for Jack, I don’t know. Sometimes Goldfinch is so laid back, it’s hard to tell. If I ask him if I have bothered him, he will just shrug it off.

If I could turn back time and relive our weekend together all over again, I would not have let an argument develop about Jack. If I could turn back time…I would never have let a rift develop between Jack and I. I would be anything he wanted me to be.

I could not post Cher’s original video, she is wearing next to nothing and a leather jacket while she skips about a navy ship.  What would Jethro Gibbs have to say about that? This will have to do.