One of the things that has made me feel utterly drawn to Goldfinch is that he has filled the hours I have spent with him with pleasure and fun and adventure…whilst at the same time always maintaining sensitivity towards the fact that I have a scar…an emotional scar that at times creeps up on me and knocks me over at the most unexpected and inconvenient times. Goldfinch has proved himself unimaginably lovely.
I met Goldfinch last October, and it was a very very quick decision I made that I was going to like him. When a man who is a complete stranger is friendly with you, you have to decide as a woman (and vice versa) and make a snap decision whether to run to the nearest security guard or police officer…or whether to give him a chance to show himself as decent. My “creep detector” is extremely sensitive! (I don’t have to spell it out that this photo is not Goldfinch – do I?) In fact I don’t like strangers flirting with me at all now. Looking back, it could have gone terribly wrong with Goldfinch. I am very glad that my snap decision was in his favour…it was not long until we were walking along hand in hand…and we are still walking along hand in hand months later. Apologies for being overly mushy!
Yes, I was nervous…being the victim of a crime (if you have read some of my other posts referring to that event, you understand) just makes me even more wary of men who I don’t already know and trust…especially in the context of a man trying to be friendly enough to make me start batting my eye-lashes and lavishing my smiles upon him.
Goldfinch just bulldozed his way through all my alarm sensors. He was appropriate, but at the same time he was firm and friendly. He was not playing with me. He was going to be polite and see how I responded. I decided to receive his friendliness. He always made sure I felt in control before he knew anything about me.
I enjoyed the time I spent with him the first weekend I met him. When he came to visit me the following weekend in London, my confidence in him grew. My curiosity about him was ravenous. I think that is normal isn’t it? Partly to explore any remote possibility that he might turn out to be a psychopath. But also motivated by this awe that I am walking hand in hand with a man who I met a week ago and it feels so wonderful. I kept looking at him and wondering, “who are you? – you gorgeous man!“
Sometimes I am in a rush to extract too much information and define what is going to be allowed to develop at the start of a relationship. I have learnt after oh so many bad experiences that it does not go down well to start firing questions intensely. Even if it seems very important to find out if a man wants to have children or build a castle with you, how much debt he is tied to, how many ex-wives or romances he has accrued…it makes the steadiest man nervous to receive that kind of interrogation too early on. Of course I want to know all this, but you have to be patient and subtle in broaching these subjects. I have treated too many men in the same way as Lord Sugar grills his candidates on the BBC’s “The Apprentice“! One young man actually told me directly he thought I was super but my probing questions terrified him and made him want to run a mile.
Goldfinch was pretty open with me from the start. He gave me the basic outline to his circumstances and he explained his stay in England was temporary. I was grateful to feel I know where I stood with him. He asked me some questions to get to know me too…and I found I kept on getting myself in a muddle until I finally came on to the subject of the crime I was victim of.
I was worried about how he would react. He was fine. It can’t be easy for a man who hears that a woman he is getting to know has been through a horrific experience with a man. What I love about Goldfinch is that he has taken it in his stride. He won’t let it hang like a cloud over our relationship. He knows at times it might come back into my mind, and he is always sensitive to my feelings. He has listened to me when I have needed to express myself and he has stroked my hand and held me close. But he is also very constructive, he gives me great advice on moving forward and not letting the event dominate my life.
I am so glad that I met Goldfinch…he has brought me happiness and pleasure on a scale I was not expecting to appear so out-of-the-blue…from a complete stranger. He is a good man. I am amazed that he has been so loving and considerate and empathetic. Totally deserving of the honorary title “Mr Sensitivity”.
I have already published quite a few posts about Goldfinch…and I thank everyone for being so kind and putting up with me while I am besotted. That will all change of course in four months time. But for now, forgive me for being utterly in love! This is my favourite post about Goldfinch, just in case you missed it.