No Cake Please

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cupcakesI have been so encouraged by my almost effortless slimming down (due to having a very tight budget for food) that I declared myself a vow this week.

I have been offered cake several times this week…and I graciously declined with the words “No cake for me until after I come back from Australia”.

Oh I how I am longing to be in Goldfinch’s arms. I cannot explain how hard it is waiting and waiting for the time to pass. I am busy, crazy busy – but is the time going more quickly? No it is not!!

Aaaaaaaaagh! Still can’t believe I will be with him again! I cannot wait!!! I have moved my suitcases out of my storage room and in to my bedroom. They are in a corner where I won’t trip over them. I wish it was time to start packing – but I am going to wait until 1st June!

When I am paid my wages I am going to buy some new lingerie and I think I need a fitting because I have slimmed a little (not a lot, just a little) so I want it to fit properly. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!!

I won’t be eating any cupcakes until I am back here in England – when I will be sulking having had to say good bye to him again…and I think at that time, a bit of indulgent comfort eating will be in order.

55 thoughts on “No Cake Please”

    1. Budget is dictating at the moment. I am only buying basics for my fridge and cupboards and I am still going out for dinner a few times a week 🙂
      But I am declining puddings and cakes now – my friends are too good.

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    1. Lots of good food coming my way (I am eating dinner with friends a lot at them moment – but they are too generous. So I have decided no puddings nor cake, nor sweet treats for me. Just sticking to the savoury dishes they make (fruit is fine though).

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    1. I can’t remember ever being so excited! Because I want to pack but it really is too early, I have started writing a list of clothes to take. I have also packed up my toiletry bags and selected which shoes and which handbag I am taking.

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  6. Pingback: Finish the Story #11 – The Recruit. – Tao Talk

    1. Thanks Li 🙂

      I am up early as I am heading to a wedding today (it will be a very big day) and then tomorrow I going to be at an event I have been helping to organise.

      So it might be a while before I am able to work on it, but I can put it in my drafts folder, so that when I have a chance I can work on it.

      I have just read the story through, and it’s very good, but I have no idea what is going to happen to Adam next. I will have to think about it over the weekend.

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      1. Thanks Mel for taking a look at it and looking forward to hearing what you come up with for Adam. Sounds very exciting and fun to be part of a wedding planning and then part of the fun of the big day for the happy couple. I just watched a funny movie last night called The Wedding Crashers and so I’ll think of you having a blast today at yours.

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        1. Thanks Li…
          I did not help plan the wedding yesterday. It was a very nice wedding just outside of London with some people I have worked with on charity events.

          It is an event going on right now that I have helped with. So far it’s a big hit. Weather is not great, but we are under cover which is wonderful. Everyone seems to be having a great time.

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          1. Ah, thanks for the clarification. It rained here last night and is a little overcast here today. Glad to hear your event is doing well and that the wedding yesterday was good.

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  8. Getting close! 🙂 Keep being busy (and planning for the trip) and it will fly by!

    Further to my previous advice on what to wear Down Under, it seems you will be arriving in Adelaide in our Winter season (Jun- August). If that is where you will be staying mostly then you are unlikely to see any snow, (unless it’s at the top of Mt Lofty in the Forest Ranges) but it can get cold so a good coat, maybe a pair of comfortable boots and long trousers/pants would be advisable, particularly if going out at night. It could reach freezing. 🧥 🧤

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    1. I am getting mixed messages from people. Everyone I know from England who has visited Australia tells me it was warm in the day (they said they were wearing summery dresses and bare legs) and that it was cold at night so they had to layer up.

      I am packing for a mix of activities – I am bringing hiking gear (but not thermals) including a good wind/rain proof coat and my hiking boots. I am bringing a few knee length dresses because I like to be all girly for Goldfinch – I am bringing tights to wear with them if it is cold. I am bringing jeans – 2 pairs, slightly cropped chinos – 2 pairs. I have a couple of pairs of Gabor ballet pumps that are good for walking and look good and a pair of Sketchers. I decided agianst bringing my knee length leather boots because of what everyone has told me. I am bringing a few cardis to go over blouses and tops, but no thick wooly jumpers or scarves/gloves. I am bringing a long rain coat which looks good with the dresses as well as some of my other clothes. I am also bringing some swimwear just in case.

      I cannot imagine we will be out in the cold for long periods at night. But if it is colder than I expect, I suppose I could always buy a scarf or a jumper – you do have clothing shops in Australia??? 😉

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                1. No I mean…it will have been six months since I have seen him. He left Goldfinch in December. Those six months have been eventful for me. I have wanted to be wrapped up in his arms so many times. Six months has felt like an eternity.

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                  1. Yes – i got you right.. i meant if you stayed with him here 6 months it would probably feel like a day in comparison to the ‘lifetime without seeing him! 🙂

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                    1. Yes…I think it would.

                      I don’t think he would want me around for six months. He is very lovely and very fond of me. But as I have said before, I think he likes his freedom right now. He has been married Bob. And right now I think he is happy to be not married. Who knows what will change? He knows how I feel. He knows I am crazy about him. But we have only ever spent a couple of days at a time together. My trip out there will be a tester whether I would actually get on his nerves (and vice versa) when we spend more than just a weekend together.

                      All I want is for him to be happy, and if me being around all the time would jeopardise that, then it is good that I am not near him.

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                    2. Personally, I think it is not a good thing that you love the only man you will let make you feel extremely happy and he lives 10,000 miles from you. Nor that he seems unwilling to make any commitment to you but is more than happy to receive all you are prepared to give, seemingly regardless of potential consequence to you?

                      Sorry if that sounds at all harsh but it just seems too one-sided, as far as i can tell?

                      It is not a situation i would let myself enter into. 😦

                      But i’m old. 😉

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                    3. It is an unfortunate coincidence that the only man I have actually warmed to in recent years was only in England on a temporary basis.

                      I can’t help that he has had past experiences that make him relish his freedom now. I love him. There is noone else who I want to even look at me let alone touch me.

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                    4. Love can do that to a person! (sigh!)

                      While it is indeed unfortunate, have you given any thought to the possibility that it may not have been so much of a coincidence’??

                      Could that fact have been a part of the initial attraction in the first place?… at all??… do you think???

                      Are there any common factors to the 3 men you mention in your blog that you can see?

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                    5. Jammy and Jack are from “my world” – the circle that I live within. They loved volunteering as much as I did. Both of them have spent many years working unpaid for charities. They have both been involved in construction projects, major events, they are both very public figures, repeatedly in the media. Jammy was clean cut and clever and eloquent and most of all he adored me. Jack was a little out of shape (he was working on it though) and he was quite a bit older than me, he was very intelligent especially with languages, he had what Jammy lacked, Jack loved people. He deeply cared about them. He has helped so many people on a very personal basis. He is like a teddy bear. He would never want to hurt someone. I think when he started to realize he had lost control of his feelings for me and he was actually harming me, he was devestated. I think he is still scared and upset about what happened.

                      Goldfinch is not from my world. He was a complete stranger. But like other men who I have liked, Goldfinch is a great conversationalist and he is confident. He is very lovely. He has some interests that are new to me. But some interests we shared too. Sometimes when we were chatting, I realized how challenging it could be if there was any real permanence to our relationship. Jammy and Jack felt the same way as I did about all major issues. There would never have been any disagreement because we were singing from the same song sheet. I love Goldfinch. But he would find it really frustrating to be permanently connected to someone with my background.

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                    6. Would you have me go back to being as awful as it was before I met Goldfinch?

                      I am a giver. He gives me more than I could ever ask for. But it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants all I want to give to him. I have to rein my enthusiasm in. He has warned me since I met him not to get carried away. He always reminded me he was going and has encouraged me over and over to trust that there are nice men out there. I just don’t seem to have a great track record.

                      The men I meet…they are either holier than thou and are about as warm as ice….or else, ignorant and arrogant and make me feel like running a mile….or clearly only interested in a physical relationship and a very shallow rapport where we go out for dinner and to watch films (their choice, not mine)….or I meet men who seem nice enough, but are showing the signs that they have been single for far too long, their homes are like museums – could be comic books, could be trains, could be star trek models – but they do not really want to change….or men who really want a wife to help them cope, because they are crumbling, and they want affection, and they would love a woman who could cook and clean and make life sweeter….or men who are in debt and do not like that it is my choice to work part-time so I can spend so much time as a volunteer, because they think I should be willing to help with their mortgage. And if there are any nice men who would actually like me for being me and not try to change me into what they want from a woman – well they are too shy or something, to put themselves in my path.

                      My life revolves around volunteering. That is all I want. I have never had a desire to have my own home, or to have children. I have at times wanted to marry a man who felt the same about life. I wanted a mate who I could travel on international projects with. My sister Milly and her husband spent years out in Africa, The Middle East and Eastern Europe on various voluntary projects. Many many of my married friends have. I have wanted that. But when I was one of a handful of single women surrounded by hundreds of single men who were full-time volunteers – I crossed paths with Jack. Now…thousands of other volunteers (the kind of people I feel close to) think there was some racy raucous romance between Jack and I leading to jealousy bitterness and revenge. Jack, who I did actually come to love is estranged. And any other single male won’t touch me with a barge pole because either they believe the rumours or they don’t want to upset Jack (everyone wants to be friends with Jack).

                      I love Goldfinch. I am not really sure why anyone would have an issue with that. Why should I presume that I am as amazing to him and he is to me? Just because my Dadda thinks I am wonderful, it does not mean I am.

                      Mumma used to say to me…a relationship has the potential for misery or the potential for great happiness. There are three men who have made me feel great happiness. My teenage sweetheart Jammy, Jack (and a lot of heartbreak too) and Goldfinch. There are too many men I care to think about who tried and failed to make me feel as if I wanted to ever be alone with them.

                      I think I am a bit frustrated…maybe you can tell. Even if Goldfinch really liked me and wanted me to live with him in Australia, I could not do it. I have major neurological problems after my head was battered and I need to be near my family. I can’t die in Australia miles away from them. You have no idea how big a decision it was to go to visit him. I only decided I had to when I realized I had a special part of him growing inside me. I suddenly realized I had to see him before I was unable to travel. So I asked him back in February. I thought I would be around 25 weeks by the time I flew out to see him. When I lost her, I was very upset and at first thought of not going at all. Only I really really want him to comfort me. I have had to be really brave here on my own. None of my workmates know what happened. Only some close friends and family. I have had to carry on as if nothing happened and all the time I just want a hug from Goldfinch.

                      I am going to love every moment with him. It could be the North Pole where he lived, or Siberia, or Guantanamo Bay…it would not matter, he is the only reason I am risking travelling so far. And I am going to enjoy every moment I have with him.

                      I am not Cinderella. I am Caramel, who was crushed, but has made remarkable progress and Goldfinch is a very important part of that.

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                    7. First off, thank you for being so honest and open with me, Mel – a virtual total stranger of whom you know next to nothing about.

                      Secondly – NO! – of course i would not want you to feel as you used to feel before you met ‘your’ G! 🙂

                      My really big ‘issue’, and the reason for what i say here, is that i don’t want you feeling any worse either! (Sorry Hun, but that IS a possibility – as impossible as you might believe it). I also do not want you to keep getting caught in situations that leave you going round and round in ‘circles’ of great highs and devastating lows.

                      It’s not how i live my life; who knows? maybe i’m wrong living as i do. I have been married once (divorced – no kids), engaged twice and been deeply in love for 9 years with a 3rd woman who i never met! (Ahh the ‘joys’ of internet romances! 😦 ).

                      I’ve learned a few things in my 60 years – possibly not everything i think i know is entirely accurate, but i am in a position now where i feel the most at peace with myself and my life that i ever have. not the extreme of Joy, but little ones and often. Not perfect peace, but few to none major worries or concerns – basically i’m pretty happy and certainly more fortunate than most people on the planet.

                      I do not like seeing people suffer more than they have to. Neither would i deny them Joy and lasting happiness.

                      You certainly do seem to have met quite a few losers in your life – i’ve never had that problem, attracting people to me who want me to help them live a better life than the one they currently have – a life that would end up ‘costing’ me emotionally or losing some of my freedoms, or financial ‘success’ (and by never having the problem i mean VERY few people approached me – other than ones wanting me to give them money because that was all they were interested in).

                      I cannot imagine the pain of losing your Apricot and of course i understand the need to see your partner in that great
                      (ad)’venture’ again. and commiserate one another.

                      I’m very concerned at what will happen to you once you return home.

                      I really hope you enjoy every moment of your time down under Mel! ❤

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                    8. I don’t consider Jammy a loser. But after a long courtship, for me to realize there were significant differences in the way we viewed other people was enough for me to end the courtship. Of course I was downhearted after that. He was my first real boyfriend and I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. But he has remained a great friend. He is not a loser.

                      Jack, to be sure, said and did some silly things. But the situation was created by what other people said and did because of their puerile interest in us. I don’t think he is a loser. I think he is a wonderful man.

                      And Goldfinch is certainly not a loser.

                      There are a lot of people out there all with their own “baggage” and issues. I think that most normal people want to be with someone. There is nothing wrong with that. But I am a princess and I cannot be what some men seem to want me to be.

                      Goldfinch makes me very happy. I try to make him happy. I don’t really know what else I should be worried about right now. Why I should be pessimistic about someone who is wonderful to me?

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                    9. Please – for whatever reason you have misunderstood me!!!

                      The losers i was referring to were all they guys you rejected as ‘suitors’ not the 3 you accepted!!

                      Clear??

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                    10. I think I am feeling rather prickly. I love Goldfinch. He makes me happy, I try to make him happy. There are all sorts of reasons why I do not worry about attaining “my ideal” situation in life – being under the close watch of neurologists being the paramount one.

                      The gaps in my memory mean I cannot even remember the names and faces of men I dated in the past. I just know I never found love. Jammy, Jack and Goldfinch are the only three men I know I have loved. They are all wonderful to me. Jammy is married now to a great girl named Nadine. Jack is as busy as ever and is very careful around women., All my friends who are close to Jack tell me he has been stung big time by what happened and he has needed a lot of help to deal with his feelings after he learnt what happened to me.

                      Goldfinch is just wonderful. And I won’t hear a bad word spoken about him.

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                    11. You should never be pessimistic about someone who is wonderful!

                      Maybe about someone who appears to good to be true, but that is another matter. 😉

                      What you should always be is realistic – at first – if a person continues to be wonderful after knowing them for some time then you can start being a little ‘un’realistic and letting your hopes and dreams, however fantastical they might seem to some, take flight and soar with them into the future together. 🙂

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                    12. Since I met him Goldfinch has told me to be realistic and not to think he is perfect. He has been very open and honest with me about himself and his life. I love him. I love him for who he is now and I love the way he makes me feel. I love every moment with him.

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                    13. I would not tell someone to be realistic if i thought they already were being that.

                      From personal experience most people who are honest and open with you are honest and open about the bits they are happy with you knowing… not so much with all the rest.

                      If you are naturally the sort of person who only lives for the moment and extracts all the joy out of it that you can reasonably do (while considering the feelings of other’s) then please continue to do so, with both eyes open and no blinkers in place.

                      Both love and happiness can be very addictive emotions. They can both leave us wanting more and more. This is where the ‘realistic’ comes in.

                      Life comes in rhythms – after a down, comes an up, after an up comes a down. It is very hard for any of us to avoid this pattern.

                      The best most of us ever do is enjoy the good bits while they last which, through relativity, are generally seen as few and far between! 🙂

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                    14. Bob…I think you really like giving out advice based on your experiences.

                      But I have many friends and family members here who know me. They know me inside out. You don;t know me. Neither do you know Goldfinch. I don’t know you. I don’t know why you seem to be picking at my life and my relationship with a wonderful man. Nor why you seem to cast doubt on the medical professionals who are treating me with surgical procedures rather than mind over matter methods.

                      I can’t even begin to explain how hearing someone pick holes in the reasons I am happy feels. I have had challenges, yet I am happy. Please leave it at that. I don’t need self-doubt. Nor do I need to doubt the man I love. Nor do I need to doubt the neurology team who care for me.

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                    15. I understand.

                      Free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.

                      Like you – i only want to do good to others i meet.

                      Self-doubt is one of the worst things we can have, second only to over-confidence.

                      I will leave my ‘help’ to that and keep all further opinions to myself.

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                    16. It has taken me a long time to build up any self-worth after mine was shattered by years of bullying. It has taken me a long time to feel I could trust anyone, let alone a man.

                      Thanks for the free advice, but I have many advisors who know me. They really know me and what I have been through. They deeply care for my safety and happiness. If any of them were suspicious of Goldfinch, do you think they would let me get on a plane and go out there?

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      2. Clothing shops?? No – only Charity Op (portunity) shops!

        We do have Amazon and E-bay and Etsy though down under.

        Or you can shear a sheep or pick the wool from a Koala and knit your own jumpers.

        What do you get when you cross a Merino (sheep) with a Kangaroo??

        A woolly jumper!! 😉

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