Waffling About My World

This may well be my most confused and bemusing SHARE-YOUR-WORLD post to date! I was not sure how to answer some of the questions…so I have waffled! But as you can see I have a real thing for waffle, especially chocolate waffle.

If you are are lost in all my waffling, please do check Melanie’s original post to understand the questions we were originally supposed to answer:

https://sparksfromacombustiblemind.com/2019/05/06/share-your-world-5-6-19/

QUESTIONS:

Do you believe in soul mates? If so, do you think there is only one person meant to share that bond with you, out there in the world?  (credit to Cyranny of Cyranny’s Cove)

It’s a very romantic idea. Hmm.

I do not think there is just one person out there and that you are “destined” to meet that person and live happily ever after. I do not believe there is someone out there, waiting for me to come and make them whole, to complete them. Neither do I think there is someone out there waiting to complete me. But it is a lovely thing to meet someone and feel butterflies in your tummy about them and for a relationship to grow that changes the course of your life.

The one man, of all the single men I have known (lots of married ones I knew were my ideal, but they were long since taken) that I knew was a match for me in every way was Jack. But look what happened there. I am too tired to think about Jack right now. And I don’t want to be locked into thinking about Jack before my trip to Australia. But if anyone was my “soul-mate” it would be Jack. Same goals, same purpose, same outlook, same studious nature, same gift of the gab, same interest in other people, same love of socialising, same need of some quiet time on our own, same view of money and possessions, same devotion to being volunteers, same weaknesses (namely cake), same imperfections, same love of karaoke and monopoly. But he and I are estranged. And the situation seems impossible.

“….there could have been no two hearts so open,

no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved.

Now they were as strangers, worse than strangers,

for they could never become acquainted.

It was a perpetual estrangement.” ― Jane Austen, Persuasion

With regards to Goldfinch, he and I are not a match on paper. But he appeared, like a miracle, and he was wonderful to me, and I fell into his arms and was so happy there. But I do not risk offending Goldfinch in saying that it is I who am the more in love. I love him and I wish things were different, but I have a realistic view of our friendship.

I already know there are differences in our thinking. They never became an issue while he was in England, because he was always going to leave. But if we together a long time, those differences would be challenging to deal with. Both of us would have to compromise. I suspect it would be me who would compromise the most. I could potentially be deeply unhappy, which would be sad because Goldfinch would not want for me to be unhappy. I would not want to disappoint him. I would hate for all the wonderful I have shared with Goldfinch to end bitterly. It doesn’t lessen the love I have for him. But it helps me to be content with the awful geographical divide with the man who I love.

If two people are attracted to each other (and I mean their qualities and character, not just their physical appearance) and they start to invest in a relationship, and cultivate love, trust and respect. If they nurture those and practise unselfish love and giving. If they communicate openly and settle differences quickly. If they forgive and console and comfort each other. If they support and cherish each other. If they have fun together but also share the workload in caring for their responsibilities. I think that two people can become so close, act in unison…and it can feel as if you are “soul mates”.

I guess I am only saying this because of all the wonderful married friends I have. Their bond has become more special over time. But that is because they have been committed to making their marriage succeed. They have worked on challenges together. They have resolved differences and misunderstandings. They have made sure they communicate and have fun together. Over time they have become an unbreakable unit, a wonderful example of what marriage should be.

There is not just one out there, there are probably numerous men out there that potentially I could become so close to that we felt like we were “soul mates”. On the other hand, I know there are many other men who would make me run for miles and not look back. For now, I am more than content to have a great penpal who is happy to host me when I trek across the planet to see him.

Hmm…I don’t think I have answered the question properly. I have just waffled on about my own experiences. The one man I seemed to be perfect for, and he for me – it was a disaster! I am now in love with a man who is not on exactly the same page as I am…but I love being with him.

Ice cream cone, shake or other ice cream concoction?

I love those waffle cones. Especially the ones with a chocolate layer.

And to be honest I would be happy to eat one without the ice-cream. I am not very good with dairy. But there are some nice dairy-free ice-creams and also some lovely sorbets that are very refreshing in the summer.

But unless it came with a waffle cone, I would not bother. The waffle cone is the main event and the most exciting part to me!

What would be the hat to end all hats? What could you wear on your head that would make people stop what they are doing and stare in awe and amazement?

Oh I don’t know…I like hats, especially wide brimmed hats. I never used to like hats, but since I received head injuries, I really like hats.

There is one “hat” of sorts that I saw a photo of when I was looking for a travel pillow for my long flight to Australia.

I imagine it would be pretty comfy, but there is no way I am brave enough to stick one of those on my head during the flight. I shall be looking out for any passengers that do. Something tells me they are not going to catch on.

What would be the worst “buy one get one free” sale of all time?

I am looking forward to reading the replys from other bloggers to this question, because I cannot think of anything. My mind is still foggy after the “buy one get one free” deal I fell for last week. I am so annoyed with myself.

I wanted to buy a laundry bag that I could put several bras into to wash in the machine. I have about five small ones, which only fit one bra at a time in, and I have one medium one which will fit three in.

However, I ended up buying what I thought was what I wanted, and as it was “buy one get one free” I took two of the shelf. When I reached home I ripped open the packaging from one pack and there were two mesh laundry bags inside and they are huge. I think I would fit inside one of them. I cannot understand why they are so big. I guess if you were washing a dress with delicate embellishments. I now have four huge laundry bags, each of which would probably be able to hold every piece of underwear I own and all of my socks and stockings thrown in as well…and more!

Does anyone need a gigantic mesh laundry bag??? I have three spare.

HAVE AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE!

Bonus Question.   Please share a moment of gratitude that you experienced during the past week. 

gabor montana.jpgI am grateful because I found the shoes I had been looking at online (way too expensive at £59) in a charity shop, as good as new. I bought them for £7 from the charity shop. I was delighted.

They might not look special, but they will go with all the outfits I am planning to take to Australia. I am taking navy and tan/beige clothes in general.

But in general I just love every text message, every e-mail, every phone call I receive from Goldfinch – they mean so much. They are the highlight of my life. I want to go to Australia and thank him for keeping my heart flying although he is so far away.

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14 thoughts on “Waffling About My World

  1. I thought your answers were lovely. I have been married for 18 years and I agree with what you say here. There is no one perfect person but a few good contenders. It is how you both take the relationship forward that makes the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mmmmmmmmmmm Waaafffllless!!! :-p

    I believe if your Soul-mate exists it will be someone who ‘compliments’ you – not your exact copy in the opposite sex (i suppose these days i have to extend the sexual orientation to apply to all of the many possibilities someone may feel inclined to mate with on a one-to-one, or even a one-to-many relationship??)

    Your soul mate will have had experiences (leading to thoughts/understandings) that you have not and vice versa and, although different, you will be able to teach each other how to be more than either one of you could be alone. You will have some similarities leading to the understanding of an unbreakable bond between you, and this will be shared equally between you, but you will also have differences of varying degrees and because of the values of love, trust, honesty, openness (to each other and to exploring new ideas/beliefs) and discovery the two of you will spend a lifetime finding out new and exciting things while relishing the long held companionship you both grow to love with the other more each day.

    You could not do this as much with someone who likes all the things you like and feels the same ways you do.

    Human beings are creatures that find challenge and new experiences exciting and can easily become bored with too much ‘sameness’. Most of the great romantic stories rely upon the initial differences between lovers, not the similarities…. sadly most of them also end tragically. 🤔

    The Charity shop find was a Gem!!! Someone up there likes you. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love charity shops!! Almost as much as waffles. But whereas I frequent charity shops and visit one every time I am passing (time-permitting)…I avoid waffles – once on the lips, forever on the hips.

      With regards relationships – I do not disagree with you…but…

      I am aware, and have been aware in the past when I had opportunities to marry, that although two people do not have to be identical in order to be a success, some differences could bring huge challenges. If a bull and a sheep were under the same yoke together, the load would not be equal…both could be harmed.

      Take for example my way of life as an international volunteer – that means I am non-political, completely neutral – allowing me to be sent anywhere because I do no get involved in the politics of any country. I have a no debt policy (for many reasons) but primarily because I want to be free to volunteer and I do not want to be a slave to an employer who pays me. I de-clutter regularly, I need to be able to move all my things quickly. I do not have a desire to own property that would tie me to one place. I do not swear, neither do I tolerate bad language. I would just walk away (unless something awful has just happened to the other person and they swear under extreme provocation). But I will not remain in the presence of people who use offensive language, neither will I watch forms of entertainment rife with bad language. I do not watch violence or anything connected with the occult or sex.

      I accept that others have free will and can make their own decisions in these areas. But if I was married to someone with strong political views, who took risks with juggling debt, who was always wanting to buy bigger and better, who swore like a trooper and watched the kind of things that give me nightmares…I would shrivel up inside and secretly want to run away. I would slowly lose myself as I felt my conscience continually hurting and I would slowly become more and more miserable. On the other hand, my choices and habits might make the man I was married to feel he could not be himself and he might feel he was forced to conform to standards he did not care about. He could feel trapped and unhappy.

      Why would I put myself or a man in a position where either of us were miserable? Why would I do that?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sure one or two waffles could be worn off with a good walk! 😉 (But who can stop at one?)

        I truly admire your principles, Mel and do not think that many people today could meet such a decent standard. At least not many of the people i get to hear about, my socialising/meeting people is pretty limited ( in person at least) these days – mostly by choice, and i have never really been much of a socialiser, except with a few close friends

        I take your point, however you have carried it to the extreme… do you really think that the person you described could ever even remotely appear to you as your Soul-mate?? Or even a friend for that matter?

        I would say though, that someone TOO similar to you would be as bad a thing for a long term relationship as the too opposite you described. You need some things in common so as to be able to form a shared base upon which to build your relationship, but as the saying goes: ‘Opposites Attract’ (and in some cases even complete opposites hold a powerful attraction to some people you would expect to have far more common sense!) 😉

        Clearly you would never intentionally choose someone who’s differences would make you miserable, but both you and he could have a lifetime of wonder and fulfillment if you had other things of beauty you could show to the other who may have had no idea such things existed before.

        Wouldn’t you like some unexpected magical moments in your life as you discover whole other ‘worlds’ you never had an inkling about?? Shared with the one who you could give similar new experiences to? Teaching and learning from one another?

        I would! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I probably did paint a bit paint a bit of an extreme contrast. But I meet so many men that put me off by their speech and behaviour before I know anything about them.

          I loved the spirit and attitude of other volunteers. I could easily fall in love with someone I had worked with. But like me a lot of volunteers were so focused and not wanting to complicate their lives. When you love being free and single so that you can up sticks and be sent anywhere in the world there is a need, it is a huge sacrifice to give that up for a more “settled” life.

          I have had some very close friendships with men, and have dated some who clearly had an interest in me. But I soon realized that they were looking to slow down as volunteers. They were talking about a house and having children. I did not want those things.

          There were other guys who seemed nice, but I just felt no attraction, no excitement.

          Jack – well, I don’t to write about him Bob at the moment, but Jack was someone who definitely excited me. He has so much energy and is so much fun to be with. But I clearly ended up bringing out the worse in him.

          Anyway…Goldfinch has shown me some very new experiences. I have done things and been to places I would have never without him. He is very exciting to me. I don’t think he wants to “settle” right now – I think he likes his freedom. But if he changed his mind, I would be concerned that I would be a disappointment to him.

          I love him so much – I don’t ever want to be a burden to him.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. If i was a Fairy God-mother (which am NOT!) I’d wave my magic wand a few times then bop you on the head with it and remove that darned depressing self-deprecation you seem to have where one or two men are concerned!!! 🙂

            I’m not suggesting you get pushy (well… maybe a bit! 😉 ) or full of yourself (definitely NOT) but a person with your qualities and virtues will NEVER be a disappointment to anyone who loves you.

            Not if their love is worth having anyway!

            And don’t you forget it Missy! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I like who I am Bob. I am not self-deprecating in general. I just know that the man I did match, is estranged after everything that went wrong…and the man I am in love with now, and who is very fond of me, I don’t excite him like he excites me.

              But it does not effect me self-confidence. Better to be happy with who I am rather than trying to be someone I am not and slowly suffocating.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. I completely agree… and it is great that you like who you are – if you don’t it is unlikely many other people will either.

                My study of the brain and long years of experience tells me that what we think and how we think determines the reality we live in.

                Thinking less of something can actually make that thing less in reality, and the reverse is true… not just for yourself, but others will see/experience it that way too in their reality. There are provisos of course! 😉

                Liked by 1 person

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