He Certainly Is Persistant

My “ex” has been in touch. A lot.

I think I am frustrating him because he is becoming a bit overly persistent. I can tell he is becoming more and more erratic.

Even when Goldfinch was here, my ex was regularly sending me texts and e-mails.

I have not really written much about my “ex”…there is a reason for that. I don’t like to be unkind. He is a nice man. It just did not work. Part of that was timing. After being attacked, everything was challenging for me. I was still not really ready for a relationship. He showed time and time again that his main interest was physical.

He has money, a lot of it. I don’t. I have worked part-time most of my life in order to be able to work as an unpaid volunteer for charities. For five years before I was attacked I was a full-time international volunteer and I was not paid a penny through that time. He wanted to treat me. That made me feel extra awkward. I don’t like gifts too early in a relationship. Sometimes it feels as if there is some kind of expectation of what is hoped for in return.

He was very nice. He always behaved like a gentleman in public and made me feel quite the princess. But I always knew that the kind of relationship he wanted, I was not able to fulfil. I felt he should look elsewhere for the kind of intimacy he was hoping for.

The thing is…we both agreed that we should end the relationship. He admitted he was becoming frustrated with me despite his patience. I felt strongly that our very different view towards money was something that would always be a big division.

But he has always liked to keep in touch. Which makes sense because he has been a good friend for years. (He was married once, but he and his wife divorced many years ago, before I ever knew him.) Last year, I would generally reply to his messages telling him how wonderful Goldfinch was. Towards the end of last year he started to make it clear he was looking forward to Goldfinch leaving so that he could spend some time with me.

At the time his messages just made me laugh…and I ignored them. But he sure has been persistent these past few weeks.

He has been in touch again today. He had invited me to stay over at his lovely countryside home for a weekend. I declined (please believe me – I would not even think about it). So today he has sent several messages making it very clear what he hopes for the future with regards to me.

To be fair, he is a nice person. He is just not right for me at all. I know this very well.

In addition, there are other reasons why I would not want him to think there is any hope of me responding to his flattering messages. Everything is changing for me. Maybe soon he will tire of me and realize I am not who he is looking for.

21 thoughts on “He Certainly Is Persistant”

    1. I don’t feel threatened by him in any way. He always treated me like a princess. I just think he would like to pick up where he thinks we left off in our relationship. I don’t think he ever understood how different we are in our thinking. He wants me as a princess on his arm when we go out…and he wants to enjoy a physical relationship with me.
      But we just are not well suited. I think some people if they are focused on the physical don’t care too much about different personalities. Whereas I am the opposite – I can’t be with someone who is so very different in their outlook to me.


    1. Yep – he was a good friend for a long time before we ever started going out and in the past gave me great advice. Then we started courting, but it just not right. I was not comfortable with our relationship. I have explained my feelings to him thoroughly.

      I just think he was hoping that when Goldfinch was gone, I would turn to him for comfort. But I don’t need “that kind of comfort”!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. A man once gave me very good advice. He said that every time a woman responds to a man’s overture, she resets the clock back to zero where he feels he can then begin to pester her again. The way to make him stop is to cease responding. He will eventually give up. But you must be strong and not give in to any message. I found this advice to be impeccable. And I eventually used it against him.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It may come to that. He has been in my life many years – before we ever started going out together. We have many mutual friends. He has been a very good friend and I enjoy his conversation, but he and I are not matched as a couple. But if I have to ignore his messages for him to get the point, I will do it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry to hear you’ve been going through such an uncomfortable time 😦 Hope he knows what the proper boundaries are now you’re both in a new situation.


    1. Aaaaaw Angel.

      I cannot be what he wants me to be. I tried once and it was not right, not at all. I am not the dolly-bird type. He is a nice man, but he wants a woman he can spoil. That is not me. And I don’t enjoy his approach the physical intimacy. I found it all a bit creepy.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know exactly what you mean.
    Some people might be nice, but it isn’t a reason to live with him.
    I have a follower who had some second thoughts but I had to tell him a few times that it wasn’t meant to be. It is sad for the person receiving the message but ….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Um, personally? He might be a nice man and all, but someone who keeps pressing when there’s clear evidence that it’s not on, isn’t so very nice in my opinion. Since it was mutual, the decision to break it up, I’d remind him of that and ask what he thinks has changed? If he keeps persisting, tell him bluntly (in your own nice way) to buzz off and if he STILL persists, mention getting some authorities involved because that kind of pursuit borders (IMHO) on stalking. I’m so sorry, but hey! There’s worse things than a rich guy who wants to be yours (if that’s what he wants, not just a casual FWB (friends with benefits) scenario. Best wishes. You’re very sensible and I’m sure it will all work out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I may have to be more firm Melanie. I think it’s probably because he has only seen a very soft, girly, affectionate side to me. I think he wants that all back. But as I have already mentioned – it won’t work.

      Liked by 1 person

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