I Keep On Opening The Fridge And Looking At Everything

I booked today off work because I had a feeling I would be crying too much if I attempted to get through the day.

I have had a  few tears already this morning, a lot last night when I was in bed. I am finding it really hard that I cannot text him right now. It’s such a strange feeling not to be able to send an instant message to someone you love. Yet twenty years ago (maybe a bit longer) text messages didn’t exist did they? He is probably somewhere around India or perhaps further now. Maybe Malaysia or even Singapore. I will send him an e-mail for when he lands later.

My fridge is full of yummy left overs of some of the delicious food I made for Goldfinch. It is very comforting to have such a delicious array of yummy-ness waiting for me, because I don’t actually feel like doing anything today. I am going to ring my sister when I think she is awake and tell her about my bakes, because she loves the kind of naughty bakes I made for Goldfinch.

Those leftovers include peanut-butter brownies and dolce de leche melting lava puddings (which are probably no longer molten because the are in the fridge). There are also leftover veggies, garlicky long-stem broccoli, buttery leeks, pomme puree, coriander hummus, pesto, and some delicious shakshuka I made us for breakfast yesterday. Shakshuka is officially one of the yummiest breakfasts. The one I made packed a punch of spice (not as much as some of my friend’s). It was so good. I needed a lot of the coriander hummus to calm it down on my tongue.

Aaaaah sigh! So many wonderful kisses yesterday. And not a single one today! While we were waiting for a train on the London Underground Piccaddilly line, Goldfinch managed to press the button on my tablet’s camera while we were kissing and so now I have a selfie of the two of us, that is perfectly clear, not blurred at all of him kissing me. I did take quite a few photos of him, I am glad, but that photo is so sweet. I have my eyes closed and I look so happy. I didn’t realize I smile while I kiss. He looks gorgeous as ever.

I might never have chance to kiss him again. I might never see him again in my life. Oh dear…I need to stop thinking like this! Where are the peanut-butter brownies? Oh thank goodness for comfort food!

I am going to go for a long walk this afternoon. A route I have walked a few times with Goldfinch. I want to think about him. My memories of yesterday are so fresh, I keep on expecting him to walk into my room. I always buy some kind of mango juice for him. He likes mango. I bought a huge bottle this time. The bottle says drink within two days. If I opened it yesterday for him, I am going to have to hurry up.

Aaaaah sigh! Missing him.