Leaky Eye Syndrome

I could have been home from work almost an hour ago. Except something dreadful happened.

I started to cry. It was terrible. I was thinking about losing Goldfinch. Intense pain was flooding the inside of my ribcage. The tears began and nothing could stem them. My colleagues were obviously concerned. I just sat in a heap on the floor sobbing and wailing! Well, not so much wailing, more whimpering really.

This makes me realize I have a problem. My eyes were profoundly leaky. What if they start leaking like that in front of Goldfinch? I don’t want to ruin things for him.

I am back at the little nest now and I am have just had a quick shower. Now I am going to try to sleep before I wake up tomorrow and start helping with the set up of a party. I am not in the party mood at all I must admit!

And then comes the guilt from wondering if the pain and the tears are really due to losing Goldfinch, or am I still grieving over that happened with Jack? It’s only Jack that has been able to effect me like that before now. I only associate pain like this with him.

I am dreading being without Goldfinch. The happiness he has elicited within me has made all my worries and troubles quieten down. But without the sunshine from Goldfinch, what am I left with? A great deal of intense pain my friend.

Maybe it was worse because I was so tired. Afterall, Friday is my fifteen hour work day. If I wasn’t so tired, surely I would have been able to control myself.

I should get to bed!

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23 thoughts on “Leaky Eye Syndrome

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  2. Somedays pain overwhelms you, somedays you can override it. Being tired makes it so much more difficult to bear. I try to tell myself that if the tears don’t flow then pressure builds up inside which makes things worse in the long run. Thinking of you.Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for such a lovely comment.
      I kind of felt better after the cry, I have to admit. I do think crying is kind of a miracle. There are times when it seems the only option and it does help. I was very tired last night…and it took me over.
      Sleep was so wonderful though last night.

      Like

    1. Thank you 🙂
      I keep forgetting to send a message to say how great your poem was!
      You exalted me to a Caramel goddess!! Goldfinch will laugh at that!
      He agrees with my friends that I am cross between Maria Von Trapp and Bridget Jones!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It has been a busy week. I have booked some time off work next week because for the rest of the month I have to do lots of over-time to cover holidays for other members of the team.
      I hope to have time to rest and process all this emotion.
      I slept so very well last night.
      Thank you so much for your message.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Introducing Caramel – Crushed Caramel (Learner at love)

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