He is going, he is departing…we have known that for a long time. I have known since the night I met him that he would not be around for long. Only Goldfinch has actually been around much longer than I thought. Originally, he thought he would be going in the spring of this year.
But I cannot tell you how glad I am that I have been able to share a summer with him. Only it has not been enough. I wanted to take him up my favourite peaks and mountains. I wanted to take him to all sorts of exciting places I have found since living in London. I wanted to introduce him to so many of my friends and family members.
Time is running out and summer is departing, the longer days are departing rapidly and sunsets draw in so much earlier now. I have already started grieving. It hit me about a month ago that it is futile to cling to him, he is like sand slipping through my fingers. There is nothing I can do to keep him here. His life is in Australia. Mine is not.
Years ago, Janet pursued my uncle all the way to another continent where he had just launched himself into a career after finishing his PHD. They had been dating throughout university. She told him that she could not live without him. They were married and I have a lovely cousin who lives a stone’s throw away from me.
But I am certain Goldfinch will not want me to chase after him all the way to Australia. Hey I am a hopeless romantic. Of course I would do it if i thought there was any hope he would be pleased with me. Only he is the same Goldfinch I met last year, a goldfinch who wants his freedom:
Yes, Goldfinch has been able to captivate my heart…but the last things he wants is to be encaged by me or anyone else.
He will leave an English summer behind and head straight into an Australian summer. Whereas for me, I look ahead to bleak, cold, dark days ahead. Days without Goldfinch. I always find autumn and winter hard, but this year winter is going to be especially hard for me.
Thank goodness for comfort eating hey! You have to make room for comfort eating in a balanced diet!
Just let me hold it together until he goes, because I do not want my tears to ruin moments of sunshine with him. I only want to add more wonderful to the special memories will treasure for the rest of my life of my time with Goldfinch. Memories that will brighten my heart long after his departing.
What would I not give to have my time over again with him? Only without having to squeeze time with him around ridiculous working hours. I have two and a half months to add pages to the wonderful story I have shared with Goldfinch.