I Think She Is Creating A Monstrous One, Whereas I Am Trying To Avoid Being One

I enjoyed a nice dinner out with a friend tonight who told me all about her personal life.  She has inspired the following post:

So when I saw my friend tonight, she told me about a complication in her relationship….

……..she is in a relationship and has been for around 5 years, he loves her, is talking about them getting engaged and married. He is very handsome and he is a decent guy. Although they both get tired and moody, he is devoted to her. She thinks the spark has gone out of the relationship because they are often both tired.  She started a new job in an accounts office a few months ago…..and has been enjoying the overt flirting between her and a good-liking guy who likes flirting with all the women in the company.  She has started to drive him home from work, because his home is “not all that far” out of her way. They text continuously outside of work…and they have kissed.  She didn’t explain how and where the kiss came about.  She wants to have a fling with him and is hoping the feeling is reciprocated.  She knows he is involved with several other women, he seems have numerous casual connections.  But she is very excited by him.  She asked me what I though about it?

What did I think????!!!!   Aaaaaagh!!!!

I thought “why on earth would you want this ridiculous complication to something that has the potential to be super duper lovely?”

Then my friend asked me about the relationship I have with my love…

Aaaah sigh!!!  I thought I would answer that by showing her a draft of a message I typed out but was hesitant to send to him.  I am always anxious that he will think I am a burden, a complication to his life and he will fly… fly far far away.

Below is the message I am too scared to send to him because I fear he will view me as a complication in his life that he does not need right now.

Please don’t become nervous when I use words like “love”……I am not looking at wedding dresses longingly.  I just have enjoyed everything…….and would really like to spend more time with you.

You have given me plenty of reasons to apply the sage advice of Aunt Anne……”expect nothing……appreciate everything”. In other words……you have promised me nothing, but you have brought me excessive pleasure already and I am eager for more. 

Love – but not in a scary way. I love you far more than ice cream……because I am willing to give up ice cream for you. You bring me far more pleasure than even my favourite ice cream – even the salted caramel peanut butter crunch on a waffle cone you and I shared at the beach.

But I am not going to rush into giving you my left kidney. I have known you for a few months (and loved you every day and every night) common sense tells me I should not share a kidney with someone I have only known for a short time. When you said love should be measured and…..realistic.

Please don’t be uncomfortable with me admitting that at this stage I love you far more than ice cream but less than my kidney…..I was not trying to frighten you.

I know I am not making  much sense now…..that’s because I am tired sweetie  I just love thinking of you…..not eager to switch off to you…..I think I have forgotten my point. I was worried that when I mentioned the word “love” you sounded anxious and uncomfortable. 

I know you don’t want any complication in your life right now.  I fully comprehend you are keeping life simple, living the moment, living for pleasure.  I think that means that a long-term relationship would be a complication.  I think.  Please correct me if I am way off track.

My point being……you have never alluded to any kind of serious, committed, permanent, connection…I am OK with that. I don’t think there is anything remotely complicated in the connection between you and I.  We have so far spent some very very nice time together…..very nice indeed…and I would like to spend more time with you……but realize you are busy with work…..and there are others in your life who are further up your list of priorities.

I do not want to be a complication, a burden who will slow you down or take up time you want to use elsewhere. 

But I do want you to come to me when you want to come to me.

Please don’t view me being in love with you as something that should cause you anxiety.  I want to be allowed to feel unbridled fondness and to engage in expressing that.

I…….I am going to snuggle under my bed covers and drift off to sleep and exult in knowing no alarm clock is set for tomorrow morning.  I love you G, I wish you were with me right now…please don’t be alarmed.  It is all your fault for being wonderful.

Under The Covers

 

via Daily Prompt: Complication

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/complication/

 

18 thoughts on “I Think She Is Creating A Monstrous One, Whereas I Am Trying To Avoid Being One

  1. Pingback: Introducing Caramel – Crushed Caramel (Learner at love)

  2. Pingback: Crushed Caramel – Crushed Caramel (Learner at love)

  3. I have an opinion (now there’s an understatement!) 🙂 …

    Love – the kind you might have for ‘The One’ – is NEVER a complication, it is a thing to be treasured and nurtured at every opportunity.

    It would take courage, but what thing of value worth having doesn’t?, but i believe it would be better not to send your letter.

    Instead you should say what you have written to his face and read his reaction as you do.

    It is important to be honest, direct and honest, with him, and most especially with yourself.

    This applies equally to both sides of the equation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow Bob – that was one of my first posts.
      I think I freaked Goldfinch out by ending one of my text messages to him (in the early days) “love you…xx”
      When I met him he thought he would be going back to Australia few weeks later, so anything involving the “L-word” was off the cards.
      I was trying to reassure him that I did not mean it in a scary way…but that I was super happy and enjoying every moment with him.
      I think he got used to me during the thirteen months we ended up having together!
      I think I did send him that message…because he thanked me for my modern day love letter. I sent a number of loved up e-mails and cards to him I must admit.

      I think he understands that where I am realistic is that I am always aware of the consequences of my head injuries and that I need to live near my family. But I still love him likes there is no tomorrow. I just accept he and I are going to be separated by 10,100 miles.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry ’bout that’… i do have difficulty navigating your blog – i can’t work out the timeframes and have no idea which are your recent posts and which are older ( until i look at one and see a date ) but then they don’t seem to follow any sequence in the order they are listed. 😦

        Head injuries?? OK i need to catch up a bit it would seem, i missed that part although i suspect it might come under ‘the incident’ in the park? (which i have also missed most of so far).

        Some (most) guys can have a funny reaction to the “L- word”, but i’m not ‘most guys’ so i’ll use it’s proper name, Love.

        It is a trick word to get a good handle on and many people get it totally wrong because it has so many different versions.

        This can cause serious problems in relationships, but i’m sure i don’t need to tell you that? 🙂

        Love has the most potential to teach us about life though, and brings with it the greatest rewards, if we are careful and apply the correct form of it at the correct time to the right people… and if we pay attention to the results we get! 🙂

        10,100 miles isn’t as far as it once was! 😉

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        1. Thanks Bob

          Do you read my posts in WP Reader or do you actually look at the website. Because I have to admit I do need to work on making my website easier to navigate. I have been concentrating on turning out new posts for so long, I have neglected the overall site.

          I really appreciate your words. I must admit during the early days, I guess Goldfinch was getting used to me and I to him. We are by no means identical in our personalities, so it took a little time to understand more about each others outlooks and ideals.

          I love him very much. For many reasons.

          My story is basicly as follows:

          *Wonderful family and wonderful start in life
          *Momentary madness as a teenager
          *Wonderful life as a volunteer allowing me to travel and work on many projects and meet amazing people
          *Courted by teenage sweetheart for years (have not written much about him) but I ended the courtship in my mid-twenties
          *Became a full-time international volunteer – amazing life!
          *Jack also became a full-time international volunteer – he took a shine to me…but it went terribly wrong (this is mostly covered in the posts called “The Storm In A Tea-Cup Series”
          *When I was in despair I went to a park on my own late at night and woke up the next morning on my way to hospital (I have referred to this., but have chosen not to write about the full details of the crime against me)
          *I spent almost a year with my family recovering from my injuiries and the trauma
          *My first six months back in London were challenging
          *December 2016 I moved into my current accommodation and have gradually found my health and strength and improving
          *October 2017 I met Goldfinch – happy happy times
          *December 2018 he returned to Australia
          *Now I am looking forward to visiting him

          In between I write about all sorts of things, often based on prompts and challenges from other bloggers, I even have an occasional attempt at poems and flash-fiction, which I am not very good at, but I try.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I try to visit most people i follow blogs directly and do not use the reader all that much. Yesterday i realised that i could use it to see which is your latest post and follow you that way! 🙂

            Thank you very much for the condensed version of ‘you’ 😉 Life seems to have been a bit of a roller coaster ride for you so far and i’m so sorry for your being attacked. That was an appalling thing.

            Will you be able to get any short term project work out here – help defray costs, or would you rather have the freedom of a tourist/holidaymaker? 🙂

            I was born in Stoke-on-Trent but migrated out here with my parents when i was 11. I owe them a lot – Oz is a beautiful place. I’m a lucky guy in many ways.

            I’ve been on WordPress for 12 years off and on and blog to socialise (and occasionally have a rant or try to share something i feel is either important or interesting. But mostly now i post for fun and to show the beauty i find in flowers and Aussie fauna. (I have something special to show soon – today was an AMAZING day with my camera).

            If you want to build or expand your website i know a few tricks and would be happy to help if you need it. 🙂

            A quick question before i go…

            … Do you (‘still’?) have a Scouse accent now you are in London?? 🙂

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            1. I won’t be in Australia long Bob and only have a tourist visa. Don’t worry, I have been saving every penny.

              I have some family who live near Stoke-On-Trent. They are just over the border in Cheshire, but they go shopping in Stoke.

              You have some real pretty photos on your site.

              I am not too worried about numbers – I started the blog on a whim because friends who had enjoyed my letters and e-mails said I should write. I just never expected to enjoy it so much. It’s just a nice little hobby.

              I never had a strong scouse accent. My accent has always been a bit of a jumble. Some scouse, some of the broader Lancashire accent, my Mum’s slight Australian tones and then a very proper southern accent. People find it very hard to place my accent and usually ask if I am Irish.

              My mum’s family are from Brisbane. I have relatives who grew up in England and then went over to live in Australia including one who has entered government.

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              1. You might only intend to stay a short time here… but that’s what Goldie said about Dear Old Blighty! 😉

                And how do you save every penny from a full-time volunteer job??? 🙂

                Thank you for the photos compliment, i’m glad you liked them, I took some real beauties yesterday and will be posting them all this coming week. 🙂

                When i said build your website i didn’t mean follower numbers, i meant personalising your site the way you want it and so it can best show people what you want to say or how to make it more user friendly, adding ‘widgets’ lists, etc.

                Your Mum’s an Aussie? How cool is that? 🙂 I can’t really imagine doing the reverse migration thing though. I went back to England to see rellies and have a holiday. Stayed 6 weeks and that was enough for me. Literally walking through clouds in July is not what i call Summer fun. I really like the Liverpudlian accent (as well as some Irish ones!) Mine tends to vary if i spend more time with my Mum (sole relative here) or with other Aussies! 🙂

                I hope your relative in Government is not one who will be seeking (re-) election in our Federal Election coming up next month? We’ve all had a gutfull of our pollies here and the last 6 months of political advertising trying to suck up to us to get us to vote them back in has worn their, A-hemm, ‘welcome’ down very, very thin indeed.

                The Ukraine just voted in a comedian as their President, the US voted in a Clown, I reckon a pet cat or dog could give most of our lot a decent run for our top job.

                Hope your weekend is a good one!

                Liked by 1 person

                1. I was a full-time international volunteer for five years before I was attacked. For 13 years before that, and for the past few years since, I have worked part-time to support myself and done about 20 hours a week as a volunteer.

                  Mum has never lived in Australia. She was born in London, lived in Cheshire as a child, and then left home at 18 to become a student nurse in Manchester. She went from there to Southport and then into Lancashire where she met my Dad.

                  I reckon Goldfinch will fed up of me after two weeks. 🙂

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Ahhhh… i thought you must have had some part-time work. The happiest year of my life at work was the one i spent volunteering with a small private company dedicated to adult learning, primarily in the field of computing and internet at the start of this century.

                    Sadly the company folded after a year or so and i returned to paid work.

                    While i’m sure your Mum has a good life, i reckon she missed out on a good thing by never living here!

                    As for Goldie? – Fat Chance! 😉

                    But if he does, hop on a plane to the West Coast and we can bake some yummy cakes together before you head ‘back up North’!
                    😀 🎂

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. I do wish Mum could have spent some time in Australia. She used to have duel nationality, but I think some years ago I think she had to choose one or the other.

                      I was thinking about my trip the other day. Goldfinch and I have only spent a couple of days together at most while he was here. While I am in Australia he has to work, in fact the project he has been working on rolls out the day after I arrive! So when I arrive…I am going to have a few hours sleep before we both go back to the airport and fly off the where this big project is happening and he will be running round with lots to sort out. I have to make sure I don’t slow him down.

                      Also, I know he needs some time to himself at times – I mean for him to think clearly – I can’t be wittering away at him constantly.

                      If I realize I am driving him nuts, I will come and do a bit of baking with you Bob.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. It’s a bummer about the work timing! 😦 You really should have some decent time together and be able to enjoy yourselves as who knows when the next time you might get the chance?

                      Aus is an amazing place with tons to see and do, and also has a (mostly) very friendly population. I’m sure you would find more than a few people who could help you occupy any ‘free’ time you might have when Goldie has to work! 🙂

                      I’ll start warming the oven up! 😉

                      Liked by 1 person

                    3. I guess I am going to see parts of Australia that are not on the tourist route. I don’t think we will have time to go to see any of the beauty spots.

                      But I just want to be with him. I don’t mind where I am. I told him wherever he is will paradise as far as I am concerned.

                      It will be a bit of real life I guess Bob. Lots of people have to work during the day and only see their loved one in the evening. I don’t know exactly how much work Goldfinch will have to do, and I don’t know how we will split our time between Adelaide and the location this project is happening. But I am going to lap up every moment I can with him…and then when I am on my own I am going to wander and explore and take photos and perhaps do some shopping or find friendly cafes to rest up before I start walking.

                      I am thrilled I will be with him. When he left in December, I thought perhaps I would never see him again It means so much to me to on my way to him.

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                    4. I hope he won’t be working too far from the ‘Beaten Track’… we have some preettttyyy remote and desolate parts in the Wide Brown Land – also known as The Sunburnt County, for good reason. make sure you bring lots of suntan lotion! ( Actually you will be able to buy it here!). 😉

                      If you are coming in the next few months you might not have it too bad Sun-wise and it might even feel a bit like home, just with more exotic flora and fauna!

                      There should be loads of friendly cafes in Adelaide and a trip to the Barossa Valley wineries should be in order when you have a couple of days free! 😉

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                  2. BTW… there is a Southport near Brisbane in Queensland! You had me confused for a second! 😉

                    There’s no Lancashire, or Cheshire, but we do have a New South Wales in case the old one ever runs out.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. And you have a Victoria too. When Goldfinch travelled to London to stay with me, he usually came through Victoria and I loved going to meet him there and travelling back to my place with him.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. Yup! 🙂

                      Is Victoria Station actually in Victoria?? I’ve been to London (3 times) but don’t really know the place at all.

                      Of course, i live in Perth, which has another counterpart somewhat North of you! A lot of Perth place names would be familiar to a Londoner such as you, i’m sure!

                      Like

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