I enjoyed a nice dinner out with a friend tonight who told me all about her personal life. She has inspired the following post:
So when I saw my friend tonight, she told me about a complication in her relationship….
……..she is in a relationship and has been for around 5 years, he loves her, is talking about them getting engaged and married. He is very handsome and he is a decent guy. Although they both get tired and moody, he is devoted to her. She thinks the spark has gone out of the relationship because the are often both tired. She started a new job in an accounts office a few months ago…..and has been enjoying the overt flirting between her and a good-liking guy who likes flirting with all the women in the company. She has started to drive him home from work, because his home is “not all that far” out of her way. They text continuously outside of work…and they have kissed. She didn’t explain how and where the kiss came about. She wants to have a fling with him and is hoping the feeling is reciprocated. She knows he is involved with several other women, he seems have numerous casual connections. But she is very excited by him. She asked me what I though about it?
What did I think????!!!! Aaaaaagh!!!!
I thought “why on earth would you want this ridiculous complication to something that has the potential to be super duper lovely?”
Then my friend asked me about the relationship I have with my love…
Aaaah sigh!!! I thought I would answer that by showing her a draft of a message I typed out but was hesitant to send to him. I am always anxious that he will think I am a burden, a complication to his life and he will fly… fly far far away.
Below is the message I am too scared to send to him because I fear he will view me as a complication in his life that he does not need right now.
Please don’t become nervous when I use words like “love”……I am not looking at wedding dresses longingly. I just have enjoyed everything…….and would really like to spend more time with you.
You have given me plenty of reasons to apply the sage advice of Aunt Anne……”expect nothing……appreciate everything”. In other words……you have promised me nothing, but you have brought me excessive pleasure already and I am eager for more.
Love – but not in a scary way. I love you far more than ice cream……because I am willing to give up ice cream for you. You bring me far more pleasure than even my favourite ice cream – even the salted caramel peanut butter crunch on a waffle cone you and I shared at the beach.
But I am not going to rush into giving you my left kidney. I have known you for a few months (and loved you every day and every night) common sense tells me I should not share a kidney with someone I have only known for a short time. When you said love should be measured and…..realistic.
Please don’t be uncomfortable with me admitting that at this stage I love you far more than ice cream but less than my kidney…..I was not trying to frighten you.
I know I am not making much sense now…..that’s because I am tired sweetie I just love thinking of you…..not eager to switch off to you…..I think I have forgotten my point. I was worried that when I mentioned the word “love” you sounded anxious and uncomfortable.
I know you don’t want any complication in your life right now. I fully comprehend you are keeping life simple, living the moment, living for pleasure. I think that means that a long-term relationship would be a complication. I think. Please correct me if I am way off track.
My point being……you have never alluded to any kind of serious, committed, permanent, connection…I am OK with that. I don’t think there is anything remotely complicated in the connection between you and I. We have so far spent some very very nice time together…..very nice indeed…and I would like to spend more time with you……but realize you are busy with work…..and there are others in your life who are further up your list of priorities.
I do not want to be a complication, a burden who will slow you down or take up time you want to use elsewhere.
But I do want you to come to me when you want to come to me.
Please don’t view me being in love with you as something that should cause you anxiety. I want to be allowed to feel unbridled fondness and to engage in expressing that.
I…….I am going to snuggle under my bed covers and drift off to sleep and exult in knowing no alarm clock is set for tomorrow morning. I love you G, I wish you were with me right now…please don’t be alarmed. It is all your fault for being wonderful.