I do have a blessed life here. Despite being the other side of a trial that has turned my life upside down…I find myself here in this beautiful part of London, in a beautiful little abode, with interesting and satisfying work, and lots of lovely people in my life, not the least of whom is my beloved Goldfinch. I rise early and have a leisurely breakfast and my coffee. Then I shower and dress and then I climb three steps and I start work. Three steps!!! What a terrible commute to work – and they are all uphill!!!
This part of London is completely new to me. I have been exploring whenever I have free time. Spring and summer are giving me more daylight hours to go venturing out to discover. Last week I found a pretty park. I went there tonight with the book I wanted to finish and my fleecy picnic rug. It is about a 40-45 minute walk from the house. It is not the best park in London. But with beautiful trees and grass you can’t really go wrong. Lots of families, joggers, cyclists, people chatting on benches, drinking coffee or eating ice-cream at one of the little cafes.
I arrived at about 5.30pm this evening. I had to finish the book I borrowed from the local library…I read it in that beautiful park, the sun warming my back and the gentle breeze caressing my hair. I let tears roll down my cheeks as I read slowly every emotion packed sentence. What a story.
Then once I had finished it, I sat up and did a little “people-watching”. When I was bored I lay down on my back and looked up at the blue sky, the branches heavy with verdant green towering over me.
It’s nice to be snugly warm and yet to be able to detect that lovely faint breeze. I realized the sun was sinking and was now behind a very impressive cedar tree. I felt tears in my eyes again. There was a huge cedar tree outside the building I went into every morning at 6.45am for breakfast….and there was a huge cedar in the private park in front of the apartment I lived in with two flatmates for my first two years there. Before I moved into the flat where the trouble started. The trouble that led to a life-changing event.
My sister was in Lebanon for three months at the start of last year. She told me all about the cedars there and showed me lots of pictures. Then two of my best friends went over there for two months and came back just as enthusiastic as my sister about the scenery and the food.
I want to go to Lebanon.
There are a hundred places I would like to visit…ideally to have several weeks in each location, maybe longer. There are a thousand things I would like to do.
But this word BALANCE and another word PATIENCE and what else? Oh yes, SELF-CONTROL. There is no way all these places would exist if I wasn’t going to have the opportunity to see them all and enjoy them all at some point! I am sure. It would be too cruel. This earth is there to explore and discover. I am sure one day…we will set out on a voyage together and spend one or two thousand years I would like to be with Goldfinch, discovering new places, new foods, new scenery, new cultures and music and experiences. I would like to do a lot of exploring with him and then at the end of each day find somewhere we could sit back and I could hold his hand and rest my head on his shoulder and we can talk about everything we saw that day.
I have a lovely balanced life here…which is what I have needed, starting over again. I have needed to do this gently. Right now, I have the ideal situation for building up my stamina (especially with work spread over five storeys of the building – I am getting plenty of chance to run up and down stairs), pushing my body a little bit more each day, always with the knowledge I will be able to rest up after work…getting back into routine. Growing stronger every day. I am enjoying my work very much…and I am loving my rest/relaxation time very much. I can see I will be spending more late afternoons in the pretty park I found.
There was a point when I could not have imagined I would be able to come to a park on my own and feel so peaceful, so full of blissful content and feel safe. So many memories would be triggered of that night. That summer evening when I went to a park on my own and sat on a bench and allowed hot spicy tears roll down my cheeks. So many memories of the security guard who found me the following morning and called an ambulance. So many memories of everything that happened that night.
But look at how far I have come. I can go to the park on my own and feel happiness down to my toes. I can hold my head up knowing I have not just survived, I have thrived…with the support of my family and friends. I even have a Goldfinch who makes me feel as if I could fly.
Despite the cruel events which shattered my world…I am in one piece…I am in a safe place and I have a balanced healthy and happy life. I enjoy my work, I enjoy my rest/relaxation time. I enjoy Parklife.